When's my turn?

Oh! What a joyous way to begin spring.

With the sunshine, my brother Soltan and his lady Tuba brought warmth to add flavour to the month. The past week has been a family affair, with my kids joining us for meals, dinner at Troy's pub for a delicious hamburger, and other invites from friends.
Last Friday, we had a small gathering at home to celebrate the new arrivals, which turned into a wholesome party of 30! We just can't do small.

Lawrence, who had attended my last party, mentioned the surprise of seeing many new people arrive. As the introductions continued, he also noted:
"Haldita, it's amazing how you've met everyone here, either on a beach somewhere in the world or at Fabric!"
His actual statement made me think and smile. Soltan played his cool tunes. Tuba never stopped being a great host. She moved constantly between the living room and the kitchen, ensuring everything was in order and everyone felt at home. This helped the party continue until after 6:00am.  
The last guests left after playing various acting games, suggested mainly by Shiba, sitting around the dining table.  
We even managed to get my neighbour up, complaining about the loud music at 1:00am. I got a little pissed off and told him how I have never complained about the sound of his radio constantly on, at a high volume, so he should bare my party one night, once every three months! Think about my mood; I even told him to get a life! Damn.

Needless to say, the next day, I went down at midday, knocked at his door and offered freshly cut flowers and a box of Easter eggs, with my apologies. He was lovely and charming, and we let the bygones be bygones. If only everyone could be so civilized and accepting.

We still managed to get to Portobello on Saturday, with my Girl, Soltan and Tuba, to hang out with their friends only, to find out I had met one of them years ago (as in 20 years ago) back at home, visiting his parents. It was great to know he remembered me so well.
We, obviously, have yet to make it out that evening.

On Sunday, our plan to walk in Regents Park with family got diverted to heading to Kenwood Park in Hampstead. Spring was in the air; the magnolias on the trees shone magnificently under the rays of sunshine. The trees were still naked from the winter. It has been a while since I last visited this hilly park in North London.

Kenwood Park - Hampstead

     
In the evening, I joined the sexy Ansel for a drink at a local pub as he told me of his new project of a book on nudes. I mentioned owning a Helmut Newton book of photography, a generous gift from Massimo. (Oh! And even he managed to show up at the party on Friday before his early flight the following day). In Newton's massive edition, as unique as the photos are, we both agreed on the form of the models posing for the nudes being too close to perfection, a rarity in the real world. Ansel's idea of accurately depicting the womanly shape through his particular chosen subjects for his new book made total sense. Brilliant. Although he said it would take time to complete, I cannot wait to see it.

When I reflected on many subjects and how generations change, the heading' When's my turn? ' came to mind.
As an example, in the past, my mum Angel would turn down any chart music I would be playing as a teenager by commenting:
"What's this rubbish you're listening to?"
Since I have acquired a taste in House music recently, she now says:
"What's this boom boom music with the most ridiculous, minimal lyrics you're listening to?"

And now... My Boy has grown up. Every time he sits in my car, the absolute first thing he does is turn down my music. His remark would be:
"Mum, everyone can hear your music. Turn it down!"
Something's gone wrong here. First, my mum and now my kid want to have their way. Hence, 'When's my turn to turn the music down?'
However, it did make me smile when my Boy borrowed one of my CDs to copy and listen to on his iPod. My mum never liked my music, and my Boy doesn't like drawing attention. I just want my music loud.

Today was an exciting day. After my pilates class, I rushed home to change and booked a spa break over the Easter holidays. Decided I needed time alone to reflect upon my life. The trip to Kerala with Aisha, Aida and another girlfriend two years ago had left me inspired, and Juliette's proposal at the party to join her and her friend on their healthy trip seemed like a good idea to get away.
So, I called her travel agent and booked myself an appointment. Juliette happened to be one of the guests at the party, whom I had met with my sister Hala at Club Med in Gouna, a beach holiday in Egypt.

A sunny coffee in Chiswick with Colman was all I needed to enhance the smile on my face, and the meditation course at night turned it into a fulfilling day.

Drive through Hyde Park before sunset.

Sometimes, simple does it.

Philosopher's Stone - PS I love you

A loooong blog... Are you ready?! Haha

Mistake is a word used to explain an experience through a specific action. It is through our mistakes we learn. If only life were easy, where would the excitement be?  
There is always a new place you want to visit, 
a friend you like to meet, 
Cuisines to be tasted, 
a new path to be found.  
The list of the new experiences we all wish for is endless, yet to get there, it takes courage. Courage to change through those mistakes.  

Words have never been more beautiful than the saying of Mark Twain.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet shed on the heel that crushed it."
Let us be a little more forgiving towards ourselves today and every day. The less you judge yourself for your 'mistakes', the more you allow Space for new experiences. You do realise that by writing these words repeatedly, the author is self-inflicting 

Now, reading the heading and what came after it, you must think I am going totally philosophical here. Oh well, perhaps, but the main reason diverts to a new experience related to Philosopher's Stone, a Mexican truffle I tried on Saturday. And no, it did not come in an omelette, nor a pasta, and it sure ain't Harry Potter stuff.

Bes, a dear friend had texted me only a few days before Saturday on whether I was interested in joining him, his lady, Ama and a few others at an address in the outskirts of London (well, outskirts to me) for a spiritual kind of experience. And how appropriate it is for it to coincide with the meditation course I am attending. I thought to myself... 'See, how my needs are attended to, automatically through the universe, without trying', and being a sucker for spontaneity, I took up the offer with absolute delight.

Now, to go back to last week, it again boggles my mind to look at such a busy schedule. All the lunches, dinners, cocktails, concerts, London Design week as in interiors... 
It was a joy to meet up with Malik and Sana, who were visiting London for dinner at an Italian restaurant convenient for all. Over the many years, we have met at Fabric, our friendship has grown, and it was time to get together in a different environment than a dark dungeon with loud music (excellent nevertheless), where we could talk over a meal. I often saw Malik at the disco; speaking with him has always been a pleasure. Something absolutely loving about his whole being; gorgeous in every way. As for Sana, a bubbly beauty whose eyes lit up every time she told an exciting tale or heard one. We talked about relationships and exchanged fun stories at different life stages.

Now, that dinner was on Wednesday. After lunch at Bluebird with Lyne, we had a business(ish) lunch, which continued with window shopping and a glass of spritzer further along Kings Road at a bar in full sunshine. Greaaaat.

Thursday was madness; I felt dizzy looking at my diary on the day, which shot by with chores, and the evening began early at 6pm, meeting Arabel and her partner Jeffrey at the Metro bank launch. I have been to many launches before, but a bank launch in this crisis?! It was interesting as I met some of Arabel's friends she had fondly talked about, from a stunning, upcoming singer who kindly let me listen to her music on her iPhone to a lady friend of hers who had invited me to her apartment overlooking the Thames on a birthday bash, to more of Arabela's entourage.

I had to rush out of there by 7.45pm to attend a concert at the Empire Shepherd's Bush, where I had not been previously but dropped my Girl off once to a concert some years back.  
The proud mama of the lead singer of Rizzle Kicks, who was playing on stage that evening, arrived at the same time as me and greeted Torsten and me with a big hug while looking over her shoulder, checking where we should soon head to and saying hi to other familiar faces she knew, standing outside. 
The concert was sold out. The energy of the boys on stage was dynamic, and the crowd below us moved side to side and jumped up and down with their hands raised in the air. Mama Emma looked at her watch and suddenly disappeared from where we were standing to appear on stage with her son singing: "Mama do the hump"! The crowd cheered as she boogied on stage and returned to join us, filled with excitement.  
Emma pointed out at the guitarist on stage to tell me:
"That's Jordan's dad."
Me: "Who? What?"
"Haldita..." Emma repeated herself. "The guitarist, that's my son's dad."
And we laughed as I finally understood what she was telling me. Finally!
"Oh!" I exclaimed.

 RIZZLE KICKS

By the way, that was part of the act.

On Friday, Edeline, whom I briefly met on my recent visit to Brighton, arrived two hours late at my place to visit Chelsea Harbour for London Design Week. She came right in time for a late lunch, so we sat and had a leisurely meal before heading to the interior design shops. What is the rush everyone is constantly on? Haha. I know... I know.  
She had done me a favour when I visited Brighton, and it was a pleasure to repay her kindness.
I read somewhere, as part of gratitude, give everyone you meet a gift. Let that be a smile, a hug, a sweet word, or anything warm and personal to make them happy. Life is a roller coaster of give and take. Mmm... I like that.

Friday evening was a fun-filled night at Momo's. Melissa Laveaux, from Haiti/Canada, was on stage with her guitar in front of a microphone, singing folk music that sat gently on the heart. Her understated sense of dressing, the small chapeau and her charming smile added charm to her captivating voice. Time flew before she left the stage for the DJ to play excellent house music. I was accompanied by Donna and my friend Ron at Momo's basement club, which had a dark, cosy atmosphere, with people sitting at tables with candlelight, watching Melissa perform. As the dancing began to the music of the DJ, Donna had to leave, so Ron and I continued till 1:30am when we bid each other farewell, and I cabbed it home. However, on the way, I had a missed call from Sana, telling me to join her and Malik at Wellington's. Refusing was rude, so I re-directed the cabbie and went in for another boogie before heading to bed.

And then ...  Saturday morning arrived.
I had a text from Bes asking me to pick up his friend Fadl at a station near me and drive to the address he had sent. Quite mysterious as when I asked Fadl, as we met, whether he knew what the day was about, he murmured:
"Sounded like it was a kind of spiritual experience."
I smiled and said: "I kind of gathered the same. We'll find out soon enough."
Once we arrived at the address in the 'outskirts', we walked into Sam's house to be met by Bes and Ama at the door. They introduced Horus, who had the biggest grin I had ever seen. Even his eyes shone as he smiled.  

We all gathered in a lived-in room around 2pm, where Ama and I settled comfortably into the large sofa while everyone sat on a chair or sat on the cushions on the floor as Bes began telling us of the experience we were about to have. An introduction to 'Philosopher's Stone', a Mexican Truffle. It looked like a mouldy walnut. Bes then explained how the Incas and the Shamans (I would assume while they entered a trance state during a ritual) of each tribe in Central South America would use it in ceremonies, served with chocolate and honey. However, in this instance, grinding the hard nut was the best way of swallowing it with water. It tasted slightly nutty. Nothing like those awful mushrooms I tried in Gili, without any effect, I may add.

Bes played trance music on his Mac, and we talked awhile. Before I knew it, the effect of the PS began to be felt in my stomach. Bes explained how the feeling gets stuck in the place we feel the strongest emotions within. By holding his hand directly close to where the pain came from, as a form of healing, after a pause, he released his hand in mid-air with a movement of flow through his wrist. He carried on a similar motion by holding his palms close to my head and letting go of what was inside. Although almost everyone around me was talking, I laid myself on the floor, legs crossed, in a meditation pose and closed my eyes, oblivious to the world outside of my being. My head felt lifted, and the vision of outer Space came out. A spiritual insight of planets moving swiftly in a universe where colours were significantly bright, with the background of a pitch black yet starry sky. Shades of pink and blue formed a lilac or purple ensemble, surrounded by planets with rings around them, others in plain circular form, and there I was, floating in this magical experience. The feeling was so wholesome and pure, the experience like none I had ever come across and all I felt was ... 'Could I stay here for as long as it takes? I don't wanna go back. This is BLISS'.
If this was heaven, then we have nothing to fear of death.

Time became irrelevant, and pure joy was all I felt. Before I knew it, I returned to earth and checked my watch, which read 7pm. I was only aware of meeting Kelly for dinner, as I had texted earlier to say I was in her neighbourhood. She suggested picking me up at 8:20pm and taking me to a local Japanese restaurant. Good, there was time to recuperate. I had an out-of-body experience; Bes explained and travelled into the universe. WOW, like never before.

I'm returning home after a three-hour dinner with Kelly, during which she almost fell off her seat a few times, laughing at my stories!  
Saki in hand, when it came to cheering and hitting the small cups together, all I heard Kelly say, instead of cheers, was: "Space!"
Puzzled, I looked at her and said: "Space?! Really?"
"Space?" She repeated. "No, honey. I said to Spring!"
Great friends and fabulous experiences with them make my world go around. And smile, big time.

Sunday was dinner prepared by my beautiful Girl and astounding Boy for Mother's Day. Their company, love, and support make me proud to be a mum. I am sooooo blessed.

'PS I love you' is what Ama and Bes have named this magical truffle. Rightly too.

No Regrets... Just Love

It is always healthy to sit back and review one's life.

I spent the most relaxed weekend, seeing good friends over meals, chilling at home, and not being engaged in the new week ahead. What a glorious spring weekend it was, too. I could finish my blog now and go to bed. 

A week could not pass without a particular mischief in the air, or I would not be living.  
The meditation course I began last Tuesday evening and continued tonight was one of the best gifts I could have given myself.  
Many years ago, at a friend's Christmas gay party, a tall, slim, middle-aged Dutch man  (apparently a psychic) walked straight up to me and abruptly said:
"You know, you won't live in London in your later years!"
"Really?!" I looked at him, puzzled.
The sum up of his remark was that I would be moving somewhere in Northern Europe. Austria?
"No way," I said. "It's too cold up there. I'm not moving anywhere colder than London!"
Irrespective of my comment, he told me I would meet many people, especially men. Now, that's a surprise!
"One thing," he continued. "You're a spiritual woman, and you're neglecting your meditation. Go back to it. It's essential in your life."  
The rest of what he said... Time will tell.

The TM (Transcendental Meditation) course I recently completed left me questioning the rules of payment, which seemed far too materialistic for such a profound cause. Hey, if it works for anyone, it's only money, but meditation is keeping in touch with your inner being and making a money-making machine out of it does not feel right.
In the meditation course I attended years ago, our Teacher, who is profoundly experienced in this field, explained all the varied ways of meditating and left it to you to decide what best suits you to train your mind to a mode of consciousness from within. Payment is left to your discretion.


From learning to breathe from your chakras, especially the upper ones, to chanting. There are various ways of keeping the mind still. What took me aback during his talk was the relevance of extreme sexuality and spirituality. How they go hand in hand and how some are partial to experience a high sex drive because of a high level of spirituality. After all, our sexual organ is related to our brain, parts of our body, and our being. 
I had to stay behind to talk to him about that...

I told the male Teacher: "You know, I've been questioning my sexuality. I came to your course about ten or eleven years ago with my Ex, when we were still married. There came a time when I felt so miserable in my being that I threw myself into a self-searching, finding happiness mode and trying to work through every possible answer that came my way. From therapy, many workshops and meditation, I found a free spirit in myself, which has left me in awe in an unimaginable way. Although sex has been tabooed by so many religions, I find it a way of being closer to someone. A release of energies, intertwined in one; two souls melting in one pot."
He did not seem surprised at my comment and went on: "As I said in the talk, sexuality is a strong spirituality that forms in the lower organ of our body as opposed to the higher one. In many religions, it's made into a sin', but the Indians have a better understanding of it and see it as part of our being."
He continued: "Oh! I've seen many yogis go wild on it."

It all suddenly became clear. We have choices, and no one can make the other wrong for the different values we choose to live by. It is like Jesus said to the male-dominant gathering, who were about to throw stones at a woman they believed was sinful.
Jesus said: "Let the man who has committed no sin throw the first stone."
Does such a man exist? Or was Jesus a fairytale character?

Although I must have written this before, it was an excellent point to raise again.
Even the NLP teacher I once met could not be honest with his feelings towards me. Despite the beautiful, passionate time we spent talking and getting better acquainted, he slowly disappeared from the scene of my life when I asked him to speak to me freely of his feelings as I would. I want to be free and find a soul with whom to share mutual feelings. It is not about ownership; we all have different values and ways of achieving goals and experiencing our free beings, but I only ask to be open enough to talk freely about what we go through. Oh well, c'est la vie!
My life as a singleton continues...

Last Friday was a dinner party at Tila's family home for her birthday celebrations, catching up with old friends Mia and Olivia. The night ended on our way home with a heart-to-heart with Gisela, whom I met in December and absolutely fell in love with her gentle soul. Although we came from different schools of thought about finding love, hearing her views on waiting to meet someone special was enchanting. 

Saturday was a late lunch at home with my Girl, followed by watching a DVD, wrapped up in all her love, and dinner with the Lovely Donna at the Cow.
On Sunday, another chilling day, I walked in Battersea Park with Shiba in the warmth of the spring sun. We had so much catching up to do!
On Monday, Kristine and a handful of her friends had another birthday dinner at a local restaurant, followed by an hour of dancing and meeting two more beautiful women.

If you are to take a piece of advice from me... Start meditating. It is life-changing.

How Naughty Can One Get?!

As deliciously as one damn pleases to... That is my answer. 

One week ends well, and another weekend begins! haha
Now, before going to the end, let's start from the beginning of the week...
Tuesday started with an inspiring note: La La La... After a little strolling around the flat, packing for my one-night stay at Carmelita's in Brighton, I managed to leave home after midday. Sat nav was playing up to start, and after all these years of driving, I still managed the longer route to get to the motorway, while chatting to Shiba on the hands-free.

It was one and a half years since our last meeting which only lasted half a day. We met through a mutual friend in Ibiza after both our separations and hit it off immediately with laughter, and now, she has moved to Brighton! How splendid. Every effort to see her a weekend since August had failed, so I decided to go during the week. Lunch at a local Thai, followed by hours of talking back at her home. She made us the most delicious Spanish omelette I have ever tasted. Another great friend with excellent culinary skills! Lucky, hey?

We talked about life's experiences and how far we have come in finding peace and joy, making the most of what life offers and standing strong no matter what comes our way. These talks with like-minded friends help me learn more about the importance of positive thinking, setting our minds free of crap and keeping on looking into a brighter future, and it will come just as you envision it and want it bad enough to make it happen.
They are spiritual experiences. There is no gossip whatsoever; simply helping one another see a new light of love and happiness... Inner peace.

Like most of us, Carmelita had gone through family life, which ended in separation, divorce and a lifestyle change (one way or another). She has made a courageous step in leaving her home, moving to England and finding a new path in her life. How can we expect change if we do not change our ways?

We laughed helplessly at my mad stories and Aaaahh-ed at the story of a new love in her life. She met a man called Ronaldo many years ago in just 3 hours of talking, before being married. Now, decades later, he is back in her life. He found her by some bizarre incident through her home mobile number and rang two weeks before she cut off that number to move to the UK. He has been in a free prison in Scandinavia for tax evasion and is claiming innocence. Ronaldo called her while we were at dinner, and the excitement in my friend glowed through her eyes as she left the room to talk to him privately. Life can be full of surprises only when we are open to them. There was no chance they would have been in touch had he waited two weeks longer to call.
 
Remember the saying above my bed?  
'I wake up every morning, knowing something wonderful will happen'.  
I wrote it on a sticky note and handed it to Carmelita before leaving her in Brighton on Wednesday.

By Thursday, I could feel a cold creeping up through my head! Damn.
The sun was out, spring was in the air (in Feb!), and I could not possibly face a pilates class indoors. Instead, met up with Silas for a stroll around Battersea Park on that glorious day.  

Children feeding ducks with a priceless smile
Swans lying in all majesty 
On a water so still, yet so dark as the sky at night
Ducklings wiggling their butts 
The heat of the sun brings warmth to the air
The boat of joy floating in the atmosphere
Is it just me? Or is everyone feeling happy?
What a surreal world I've created all around
To make your own, there's no impossible.
'Simple thoughts going through my mind.'

Anyway, where was I? My drifted mind.
It was an absolute pleasure meeting Silas. We talked right through the afternoon until dinner. He is another kindred soul.

Friday was a bad cold day! Had to rest, finally.
Then came the weekend. As though I don't go out during the week!!! haha
Dylan drove to pick me up for a very late lunch at 8 over 8, accompanied by his good pal. It was a delightful lunch, and they dropped me home to prepare for my 6pm rendezvous. 'What? Another one?' You may ask. The answer is... Yep.
My time is short, even if I live up to 90, there is no time to waste. Well, that's my excuse.

This time round, I was meeting a sex therapist called Aiden at a Church in the street! Quite a rendezvous. As none of us had any confessions, we decided to head to my place for a bottle of rosé Laurent-Perrier. Think the chemistry had sparkled through the first instant our eyes met. He was tall and grey-haired, and warmth flew through his sweet smile. Well, it was adorable. We talked... Well, I spoke most of the time, but then, as Aiden remarked, he was used to listening and every time I asked him to stop me jabbering on, he would gently tell me how he enjoyed my stories. And so I carried on...
The hours flew by like a fairy tale, and before we knew it, midnight struck!

My dear housemate in Bali, Annie, was visiting London, and she had texted me the previous night to say she was going to Fabric on Saturday. So, as Cinderellas went home at midnight, I had to get ready and go out. After 1am, I drove to Fabric to find Annie and some of my buddies with whom I party. They are some of the most incredible bunch of dudes I am blessed to know. As I got introduced to more new faces, Ravel, who must have seen me being hugged and kissed by so many friends at different tables, said:
"I know we've just met Haldita, but I see how everyone here knows you and respects you. Now, that's very important."
His words almost brought tears to my eyes. Actually, the light pink t-shirt I chose to wear that evening read:

L O V E D