Within each story, there lie a thousand unspoken words of love, hatred, jealousy, joy, and all
the feelings we choose to create in our minds.
I began writing the following blog before taking off for a well-needed and deserved rest. Words which are not my norm for writing positively as the stress of the weeks and months had left me drained.
After a short break, I returned to delete this blog; then again, why?
A feeling of yearning inside
Of words unsaid, ready to explode
Into a harsh world of misunderstandings
Stares to and fro, filled with pure judgement
In this unruly land of supposed opportunities
Here we are thrown as a lamb into a cage of lions
And here it is, we will learn lessons of hardship
To step higher on the ladder of wisdom.
Let me begin with a different kind of confession... I have just gone through some of the most challenging months of my life! Seven, to be precise. And yet, when I think sincerely, there have been so many of these moments. So fuckin' what if there have been mountains to climb and rivers to cross, come rain come shine, life is but a shrine! As I told Jade on Facetime after she told me:
"Haldita, I don't need to tell you of all people that what does not kill us makes us stronger! Right?!?"
I answered, "Darling, I'm sitting in the middle of my living room feeling like a rock!!! Haha."
Well, it is incredible how ... I was going to say life changes, but what really happens is we make decisions. We have choices, so it is 'we' or actually 'I' who decided to revise the situation in my life and realise the time for transformation had arrived. Within seven months of returning from the yoga retreat in Costa Rica, the goals I had set for myself have been achieved miraculously. Oh! The road wasn't smooth for one moment, but the bumpiest of roads were put ahead of me, and I threw myself into where the universe guided me. With meditation as my guide on a regular morning basis and God by my side every second, things are happening just as they should. The learning process from the year passed has been...
"I kept waking up and hearing about issues that needed immediate attention, and a fast solution process was the only way to cope and carry on. It has been like falling into the mud daily, face down, then getting up every time, looking at myself in the mirror, scraping off a layer of mud with a bent index finger from my cheeks and saying aloud: "Honey, that was a mask for my face! What now?!?"
I had gone home on a few occasions to my old pad after a visit on-site to my builders, discussing more issues to be resolved and upon shutting the door behind me, burst into loud cries of letting go of the pressure which surrounded me, day in and day out. After a crying session, I would simply say, "Alright, enough self-pity. Get out of it and put on your thinking cap to solve any issue. This is the test of time. When I say, 'I want more', then more is coming; deal with it, girl.'
This has become a daily routine over the past months since May.
Now, to where I left off here...
If I were to write about the times I have felt low, lonely, and grief, never mind the lipo suction four years ago, which was lethal, a few books could be filled with words in moments of despair, anger and shadows which I frankly prefer to put behind me and find solutions to every so-called problem I had to face. We hear enough sad news in our daily lives, and I do not dwell on negative thoughts that stop my progress in a world of opportunities.
All the Saturday nights were spent dancing and meeting strangers who transformed into friends, some momentarily and others here still. Travels of learning how the rest of the world ticks, with varied customs and circumstances of living. I learned more than the grey hair covered by a brush of colour on my head, and I started having them at nineteen. I have wisened up in finding out which way my intuition directed me and let go, in time, of those who have not truly appreciated me. Although sad, it is not healthy to keep anyone around who does not 'get you'. To some complex and others as clear as the blue sky, I am who I am. As I told Aisha in our last discussion last weekend:
"Darling Aisha, let me give you a few words of advice for your friends who truly know, understand, and love you; you'll always be lovely and unique. And for those who judge you at the first drop of a hat through the judgemental words of another, frankly, they can fuck off from your life! And I mean fuck off! It is precisely how I now see things. Usually, people's reaction is only a way of self-judgement and a reflection of their feelings. Don't get entangled in that. It is useless; we all know no one changes, really. It is all about acceptance.
Now, let me tell you all the hot stories of dating globally and having the best time anyone could have possibly carried under one belt; things are changing rapidly. All the men, from Latino to Greek and Scandinavian, and a long list of countries stated in the United Nations, and all the fun, a new chapter has opened wide in my life, and the time has arrived for significant changes. Yes, those hot dudes have been replaced with a team of men from Russia to Romania, French and English alike, but in the form of builders and carpenters, electricians to structural engineers (only to name a few)! I love the expression of almost shock on my friends' faces when they ask me:
"Haldita, where did you find your builders etc?"
Me: "Through my dear friend and mechanic."
Then they ask: "And your curtain maker?"
Me: "Another dear friend I go to for waxing."
Going through renovation and moving has been like giving birth. You endure hardship over months, dealing with so many ups and downs, and then your baby is born, and all is forgotten. All you see is that beautiful creature you're holding next to your bosoms. Soon after, the temptation of yet another child kicks in."
All along, I kept thinking there was a reason for having to deal with so many, but I mean endless issues on site. The words kept creeping up my mind: 'Don't lose faith. Keep going. The end result will make it well worth the headaches. It is up to you to make it happen. Give it your best shot. Talk to the universe. Meditate. As Nike says, "Do it!"
The whole apartment was gutted out, and within three and a half months, with no holidays except the Ibiza closing party, which had no rest involved, I worked tirelessly from early hours to late nights to get back to what I do best; interior decoration. One door closed, and another opened daily. Sis Hala came over to give me a hand with the move. God bless her for being here at the time as we laughed and worked towards THE move. On our last night in Chelsea, a party developed, and we left with a big bang of very close friends joining us for a soirée of remembering all the good times we had there. It was a pleasure to see how I was not alone in sharing those great moments in a place that had been home to me for eleven years. Was I sad to leave? Not an inkling! When it's time to change, it's time to move.
What brought tears to my eyes on the day I left my old flat was the buyer, who, with his family, have become great friends, offered me to leave anything behind I wished in the spare room for as long as necessary! I had given him my word for a set date, and his flat was handed over as a hotel suite.
And on those words, Hala and I were kind of homeless. But not quite. So many friends offered me their bed while they slept on their sofa for as long as I wished to stay.
These are the times you know how thoughtful and, price, our friends can be.
Hala and I stayed ten days before Christmas at Lady Saba's, who has been a loving friend with such generosity and understanding over the years. She lives with her loyal friend and companion, Krissie. There were laughs, and Sundays were spent in steam, followed by massage, dinner and rest. I so welcomed those days of recharging my energy.
The move finally happened on Christmas Eve! Out of all nights.
The apartment still needs to be finished; my builder went on a three-month holiday back to his country, and we tried to settle in as well as possible. Through all the continuous pressure and lack of sleep, never mind lifting boxes, packing, etc, Sis and I parted not on the best of terms. What is it about sisters? As mentioned before, I am not here to make anyone wrong but to try to question and understand how life works. How relationships go through the test of time. Quite sad, really, but time heals, or does it?
It is not about blame because our fun times with Hala have been countless. It may be because we change, and with it, so do our goals. If both parties understand and accept, everything will move on. With age, we get set in our ways and become less patient.
The relationship between siblings is one of the hardest challenges we face throughout life, a law that goes back far.
And... Life goes on till...
In terms of entertainment, I went to see a play called 'Strangers on a Train', an Alfred Hitchcock story elegantly designed in a black and white setting, in setting well as clothing, at Aisha's invite with her wonderfully bright daughter. In every way a must-see. Each scene changed repeatedly and was a delight to watch, and the acting was fabulous.
Oh, there was the fashion presentation with Aisha for Gieves and Hawkes' new in-house director, Jason. I managed a sneaky kiss on the cheeks of the Calvin Klein underwear model as he bent down for a photo with me! He was so friendly and relaxed; he had no chip on his shoulder. There were other models from Hermés, Tom Ford, etc. houses, dressed in immaculate manly outfits.
There was the superb concept pop-up store of Mama Brown, which I regret not attending enough times and tasting the delicious daily menus my friend had on offer, plus rare items for sale. But I sure made it to last night's party and went on to meet up with Jade, accompanied by Hala. I spent most of the rest of the night in the toilet at the Eclipse Bar! It was not due to drinking or anything, but the stress of weeks and months past; too much pressure.
Returning to my new flat, you will not believe who lives above you. When I heard the husband utter some words unfamiliar yet a label I had heard of, I returned to tell my new friend, Rick, the contractor, that my neighbours are 'Joshua's Business'!
He must know me quite well by now as he repeated in disbelief:
"Haldita, you mean Jehovah's Witness?"
I answered: "Yap. That one! Not too far off."
Of course, the lady of the house, or I should say flat on top of me, had tried to convert me at first glance, but I did not hesitate to give her my word:
"You know, Dear," I continued: "I don't do religion. I've a direct line to God. Religion in the hands of mankind has caused enough hatred and wars. I live in peace."
And peace I'm not getting from them! For one instance, after totally modernising our mutual entrance hall and restoring the building at my own cost, she refuses to remove her navy trolley! She said it has been there over the years, and that's where it's staying. It could be more funny how they like to take the law into their own hand because they name themselves a specific religion! We will see.
Things are settling in again, as I just returned from a well-deserved break in Spain. Six days of sun, fun, friendship and fabulousness! The blog is on again, and I will tell you about my trip in the next chapter next week.
Forever happy and blessed.
I began writing the following blog before taking off for a well-needed and deserved rest. Words which are not my norm for writing positively as the stress of the weeks and months had left me drained.
After a short break, I returned to delete this blog; then again, why?
A feeling of yearning inside
Of words unsaid, ready to explode
Into a harsh world of misunderstandings
Stares to and fro, filled with pure judgement
In this unruly land of supposed opportunities
Here we are thrown as a lamb into a cage of lions
And here it is, we will learn lessons of hardship
To step higher on the ladder of wisdom.
Let me begin with a different kind of confession... I have just gone through some of the most challenging months of my life! Seven, to be precise. And yet, when I think sincerely, there have been so many of these moments. So fuckin' what if there have been mountains to climb and rivers to cross, come rain come shine, life is but a shrine! As I told Jade on Facetime after she told me:
"Haldita, I don't need to tell you of all people that what does not kill us makes us stronger! Right?!?"
I answered, "Darling, I'm sitting in the middle of my living room feeling like a rock!!! Haha."
Well, it is incredible how ... I was going to say life changes, but what really happens is we make decisions. We have choices, so it is 'we' or actually 'I' who decided to revise the situation in my life and realise the time for transformation had arrived. Within seven months of returning from the yoga retreat in Costa Rica, the goals I had set for myself have been achieved miraculously. Oh! The road wasn't smooth for one moment, but the bumpiest of roads were put ahead of me, and I threw myself into where the universe guided me. With meditation as my guide on a regular morning basis and God by my side every second, things are happening just as they should. The learning process from the year passed has been...
"I kept waking up and hearing about issues that needed immediate attention, and a fast solution process was the only way to cope and carry on. It has been like falling into the mud daily, face down, then getting up every time, looking at myself in the mirror, scraping off a layer of mud with a bent index finger from my cheeks and saying aloud: "Honey, that was a mask for my face! What now?!?"
I had gone home on a few occasions to my old pad after a visit on-site to my builders, discussing more issues to be resolved and upon shutting the door behind me, burst into loud cries of letting go of the pressure which surrounded me, day in and day out. After a crying session, I would simply say, "Alright, enough self-pity. Get out of it and put on your thinking cap to solve any issue. This is the test of time. When I say, 'I want more', then more is coming; deal with it, girl.'
This has become a daily routine over the past months since May.
Now, to where I left off here...
If I were to write about the times I have felt low, lonely, and grief, never mind the lipo suction four years ago, which was lethal, a few books could be filled with words in moments of despair, anger and shadows which I frankly prefer to put behind me and find solutions to every so-called problem I had to face. We hear enough sad news in our daily lives, and I do not dwell on negative thoughts that stop my progress in a world of opportunities.
All the Saturday nights were spent dancing and meeting strangers who transformed into friends, some momentarily and others here still. Travels of learning how the rest of the world ticks, with varied customs and circumstances of living. I learned more than the grey hair covered by a brush of colour on my head, and I started having them at nineteen. I have wisened up in finding out which way my intuition directed me and let go, in time, of those who have not truly appreciated me. Although sad, it is not healthy to keep anyone around who does not 'get you'. To some complex and others as clear as the blue sky, I am who I am. As I told Aisha in our last discussion last weekend:
"Darling Aisha, let me give you a few words of advice for your friends who truly know, understand, and love you; you'll always be lovely and unique. And for those who judge you at the first drop of a hat through the judgemental words of another, frankly, they can fuck off from your life! And I mean fuck off! It is precisely how I now see things. Usually, people's reaction is only a way of self-judgement and a reflection of their feelings. Don't get entangled in that. It is useless; we all know no one changes, really. It is all about acceptance.
Now, let me tell you all the hot stories of dating globally and having the best time anyone could have possibly carried under one belt; things are changing rapidly. All the men, from Latino to Greek and Scandinavian, and a long list of countries stated in the United Nations, and all the fun, a new chapter has opened wide in my life, and the time has arrived for significant changes. Yes, those hot dudes have been replaced with a team of men from Russia to Romania, French and English alike, but in the form of builders and carpenters, electricians to structural engineers (only to name a few)! I love the expression of almost shock on my friends' faces when they ask me:
"Haldita, where did you find your builders etc?"
Me: "Through my dear friend and mechanic."
Then they ask: "And your curtain maker?"
Me: "Another dear friend I go to for waxing."
Going through renovation and moving has been like giving birth. You endure hardship over months, dealing with so many ups and downs, and then your baby is born, and all is forgotten. All you see is that beautiful creature you're holding next to your bosoms. Soon after, the temptation of yet another child kicks in."
All along, I kept thinking there was a reason for having to deal with so many, but I mean endless issues on site. The words kept creeping up my mind: 'Don't lose faith. Keep going. The end result will make it well worth the headaches. It is up to you to make it happen. Give it your best shot. Talk to the universe. Meditate. As Nike says, "Do it!"
The whole apartment was gutted out, and within three and a half months, with no holidays except the Ibiza closing party, which had no rest involved, I worked tirelessly from early hours to late nights to get back to what I do best; interior decoration. One door closed, and another opened daily. Sis Hala came over to give me a hand with the move. God bless her for being here at the time as we laughed and worked towards THE move. On our last night in Chelsea, a party developed, and we left with a big bang of very close friends joining us for a soirée of remembering all the good times we had there. It was a pleasure to see how I was not alone in sharing those great moments in a place that had been home to me for eleven years. Was I sad to leave? Not an inkling! When it's time to change, it's time to move.
What brought tears to my eyes on the day I left my old flat was the buyer, who, with his family, have become great friends, offered me to leave anything behind I wished in the spare room for as long as necessary! I had given him my word for a set date, and his flat was handed over as a hotel suite.
And on those words, Hala and I were kind of homeless. But not quite. So many friends offered me their bed while they slept on their sofa for as long as I wished to stay.
These are the times you know how thoughtful and, price, our friends can be.
Hala and I stayed ten days before Christmas at Lady Saba's, who has been a loving friend with such generosity and understanding over the years. She lives with her loyal friend and companion, Krissie. There were laughs, and Sundays were spent in steam, followed by massage, dinner and rest. I so welcomed those days of recharging my energy.
The move finally happened on Christmas Eve! Out of all nights.
The apartment still needs to be finished; my builder went on a three-month holiday back to his country, and we tried to settle in as well as possible. Through all the continuous pressure and lack of sleep, never mind lifting boxes, packing, etc, Sis and I parted not on the best of terms. What is it about sisters? As mentioned before, I am not here to make anyone wrong but to try to question and understand how life works. How relationships go through the test of time. Quite sad, really, but time heals, or does it?
It is not about blame because our fun times with Hala have been countless. It may be because we change, and with it, so do our goals. If both parties understand and accept, everything will move on. With age, we get set in our ways and become less patient.
The relationship between siblings is one of the hardest challenges we face throughout life, a law that goes back far.
And... Life goes on till...
In terms of entertainment, I went to see a play called 'Strangers on a Train', an Alfred Hitchcock story elegantly designed in a black and white setting, in setting well as clothing, at Aisha's invite with her wonderfully bright daughter. In every way a must-see. Each scene changed repeatedly and was a delight to watch, and the acting was fabulous.
Oh, there was the fashion presentation with Aisha for Gieves and Hawkes' new in-house director, Jason. I managed a sneaky kiss on the cheeks of the Calvin Klein underwear model as he bent down for a photo with me! He was so friendly and relaxed; he had no chip on his shoulder. There were other models from Hermés, Tom Ford, etc. houses, dressed in immaculate manly outfits.
Returning to my new flat, you will not believe who lives above you. When I heard the husband utter some words unfamiliar yet a label I had heard of, I returned to tell my new friend, Rick, the contractor, that my neighbours are 'Joshua's Business'!
He must know me quite well by now as he repeated in disbelief:
"Haldita, you mean Jehovah's Witness?"
I answered: "Yap. That one! Not too far off."
Of course, the lady of the house, or I should say flat on top of me, had tried to convert me at first glance, but I did not hesitate to give her my word:
"You know, Dear," I continued: "I don't do religion. I've a direct line to God. Religion in the hands of mankind has caused enough hatred and wars. I live in peace."
And peace I'm not getting from them! For one instance, after totally modernising our mutual entrance hall and restoring the building at my own cost, she refuses to remove her navy trolley! She said it has been there over the years, and that's where it's staying. It could be more funny how they like to take the law into their own hand because they name themselves a specific religion! We will see.
Things are settling in again, as I just returned from a well-deserved break in Spain. Six days of sun, fun, friendship and fabulousness! The blog is on again, and I will tell you about my trip in the next chapter next week.
Forever happy and blessed.
