Naked, in the mirror of life

A woman brimming with wisdom

The sensation of a scorching sun on her skin brings her to life.

Standing in the silent atmosphere of time lost on a dusty dirt road.

Her eyes are fixed on the side mirror of an abandoned army truck ahead 

All she can see from afar is the silhouette of her naked body.

As though the frozen figurine had gained consciousness, 

The brain, given a new lease of life, awakened.

In an attempt to move a limb burdened by years of pain,

Her memory sharpens with images flashing through a time tunnel.

A flashback through a journey where wounds have been healed

And where the physical pain carries no weight.

It is where the mental scars have been treated 

With a simple remedy of love.

The rigid membranes soften under the gazing sun, 

giving way to a flow of energy that rises within.

A second wind, the rebirth of a newborn into the world
yet not a child but a woman brimming with wisdom.
In owe to the creator of all mankind, the trees and mountains
questioning our existence in a world conquered by shadows.

Where art thou, my Lord? She cries in despair,
her voice carried to the sky, where her attention diverts
a flock of birds flying high amidst the bluest heaven above
She craves to fly like a bird in an infinite sky.

Looking back into the side mirror,
where her footsteps have driven her by the army truck.
She holds up a hand at arm's length to cover her image
as though this action would hide her history, her past.

At the sound of the alarm, she awakens, puzzled
reminiscing about the meaning of a dream she had just had.
Or was it an illusion of momentary thoughts
Gleaming in an image contouring the mind
of how blessed she, indeed, was to be flying free as the birds
and not stuck in a desert by an army truck.

Clothed or naked, no war to fight,
No guilt to hide from, no boundaries to cross.
The meaning of life became apparent as the scorching sun
Where eagles dare fly!

This eagle has landed!  

PS
This reminds me of the French films I used to watch.  

No beginning, no end... 

My Imaginary Lover!

The man with no name... He

Here I am,

glued into the velvety warmth of a sofa,

drowned in the reverie of a man made of dreams...

staring outside onto the autumnal air

the colourful leaves resembling my inner being;

an ensemble of a sparkling fire and a flowing river,

painted vividly in a vision in my mind.

The grey clouds dim the mood yet flow the thoughts

of a man with no name,  

only the heavens above could have brought him to earth,

my heart yearning with lust,

he enters my soul.

From the moment he grabs me at first glance,

opening the door to his hungry look,

eyeing me head to toe with pure lust,

tingling my every cell with desire

for the stroke of his hands touching my bare soul.

A passionate embrace to tremble the earth

laying beneath my feet, 

now gently floating off the ground

swaying as a feather into a space of infinity.

He devours me as a lion on prey

with a devotion that has lasted over a decade

and yet each time as new, fresh, as the morning air.

There are no words to add to such splendour of a feeling,

craving for passion, cherishing each sensual second of the hour,

a longing for the bodies entwined, where the souls reach;

a state of utopia.

He is the song I cannot sing. 

He appears, sweeps me off my feet,

only to disappear as a phantom

in an opera filled with ecstasy.

The hours pass in a state of delirium,

a declaration of lust, the sensation of each caress

turning the world upside down;

in encounters enriched with passion.

Our lives could not be further apart,

Destiny brought us together 

and it will take its course to do as it pleases.

He leaves to his as I continue on my road

of a life rich with joy and blessings.

There is no guarantee in anything in life.

Why would I live with any expectation

but that of an exciting, bright journey ahead.

Thus, he is gone one more time.

I do not miss him

but reminisce about the good times

with a smile at the unknown future that awaits.

I am life!

The Criminal Sisters back in Action!

'People come and go in your life, but the right ones will always stay'.

I pay great importance to family. The drift, which lasted one year and nine months between my sister Hala and myself, highlighted people opening up about their relationship issues with different family members. The message was that life is not easy (a repeat, I know,w), but as long as we have options, we must consider ourselves blessed. If you look deep enough, there will eventually always be an option you can take to help divert the situation. As far as I can see, we drifted apart in my relationship with my sister. Anger came out of us in various ways, including harsh words and judgment. We are not here to point fingers at each other for making the other wrong. The only way forward is to pause, whether this takes hours, days, months or sometimes years, and wait for a moment when you genuinely miss each other's company and begin thinking of all the beautiful moments you created together. The key to success at this point of making up is to forgive deep inside any lousy feeling and gently allow the love you feel to flow from one to the other and vice versa.

If there is anything I learned from the experience, the love I feel for my sister Hala is next to none. The loneliness sometimes tore me in, allowing this space to pass between us; despite all the wonderful people around, I missed my sis. But the feeling had to be blocked until we were hungry for each other's love and affection at the 'right' time. We share many similarities in how we simply are: surrounded by great friends, love adventurous travels, meet people in what most think is the dodgiest of circumstances, and are free. It has to do with genes. Do not take that lightly.

Thanks to Troy, our brother from another mother, who invited us to a lavish lunch at Roka's on a Sunday. It took no time before we put the past behind us, where it belongs, to stay and start afresh, without any further conversations on 'you did this' and 'you said that' going on. It was the best day of this year for me, and it was the visa versa. I have missed my partner in crime, my other half. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I pray that everyone settles their differences between family members and walks in peace and love.

As the great Dalai Lama says: 'Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.' And 'Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.' A few days after our epic making-up date, I picked Hala up for a two-hour hike around Richmond Park. The autumn sun shone, and the air was as mellow as we must have felt inside. Walking through Isabella's plantation with only the two of us in the surrounding area was magic. We simply discussed lost times and experiences and began planning for future globe-trotting adventures. Sublime!

Isabella Plantation in springtime

I had a dinner party a couple of weekends ago with the Fabric crew I had met through the years of clubbing there. The love of music has brought us together, and we have mingled and chatted mainly in club scenes. Now, we were all in a small group; three of the girls got their partners, and Lady Judes showed up at the end of the evening. As we sat around the lounge feel of the living room, picking on the Persian dishes I had personally made (I have taken up cooking again!), I started telling Judes a brief version of my history. She seemed taken aback by my tale.
"Really Haldita?"  She would exclaim time after time. "I'd no idea!"

Basically ...
I was born in Tehran just before the beginning of the '60s; yes, that makes me 56 and super blessed of all my years, every single one. My mother is an avant-garde beauty, a pianist, a poet's daughter, and a free thinker from a small family. While on my father's side, with 8 siblings, all the men were involved in successful businesses, it was a family name well accounted for in the public eye. At the time of the Shah, Iran was considered a fast-growing economy with an elite class; indeed, La Belle Epoque. My mother had decided to send my sister Hala and me to boarding school at the beginning of my teens after attending a Catholic French school in Tehran. It was a shock to the system to be surrounded by girls mainly of British origin; being a foreigner in those days was not in one's favour, and especially no fluency in the language did not help. It was the most effective way of learning it, for sure.

Our parents, with a group of friends from Tehran, would travel to London each Christmas and Easter holiday for three weeks and fly us to the most exotic spots around the globe. From the island of Kawai in Hawaii, the Caribbean, Far East, to North and South Africa, at the time of apartheid, I may add, forty years ago. Going back home in the summer holidays and enjoying the lavish lifestyles of swimming pool parties in the day, with a 12' LP of Stevie Wonder blasting in the garden, to early evenings with Hala and our closest friend Grace spent at Tehran's renowned Bowling, set on the ground floor of a building, with a roller skate ring on another, a swimming pool, movie theatre (showing foreign films), multiple restaurants/bars and a billiard salon, a hang out for the young as well as the middle-aged. Iran was quite Americanised, as they called it, with an American TV channel and radio playing the latest music from Hotel California by the Eagles to songs by America and Donna Summer's Love to Love You, Baby comes to mind. Strange to think such a reversal in history can throw a nation's way of being/feeling so far behind!  
I will continue my history in later blogs, or this will never end.

Last week, I called François; he has been my tutor and mentor, the therapist who helped me. I found myself again amidst a roller coaster of thoughts at the time, wondering whether life would hold the same unhappy routine forever. I would no longer call it hard times because they happened to be the key to searching for true happiness to last a lifetime, no matter what. Of course, I make mistakes, but no life-changing lesson comes to one on a silver plate. But I am willing to make every effort to search for answers as long as I breathe.    

Looking back through the years, I cherish the good and challenging times. There will always be matters out of our hands that we cannot bear facing, and yet, once we do positively deal with them, the result will surprisingly benefit us one way or another. When you look back at memories of feeling helpless and sad, what do you focus on? How pathetic did you think, or how courageously and, at times, miraculously did you manage to escape the situation? Do not underestimate the power you hold within, in mind, as in body.  

My mind got drawn to the past, of the frightened girl I once was, not that long ago and now, how I changed my world into a fantasy life filled with Possibilities. What the future holds excites me to no limits, only because this is how I train my mind to dream big, allow time for quiet moments of discovery within, and come up with solutions that can only put a smile on my face. After a lengthy conversation over the phone with François, enquiring on how well he thought I had done in learning my life lessons, he answered in his gently spoken tone, smiling: 
"Oh! `you got yourself a PhD in Haldita!"

I look back and think perhaps my guardian angel is noble and kind enough to have guarded me through moments of madness across the globe. I let go of any fear and followed an intuition granted through years of tuning into the universe and following unspoken orders with an open outlook.

Every subject I searched tonight defined the following messages in my mind...
People around you are going through their own struggles/battles. Do not take their harsh words seriously, and yet do not allow yourself to be drained by their negativity. Pause, even if that pause would take days, months, or years of silence. Let go of toxic people around you and leave space for the ones who love and accept you the way you are. If we all spoke with honesty, integrity, and love, imagine what a world we can create!  

My favourite man in the world at present is Pope Francis. In his latest speech at the White House, he said: 
'Do unto others as you will have them do unto you. Let us treat others with the same passion and compassion as we would like to be treated.'

What happened to my usual text colouring?! Computers! Oh well...

A heart to heart... to Paris and back.

'Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art ...  It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival' by C S Lewis.
Today, I would like to share my views and experience on friendship.

Every relationship has its moments of uncertainty, especially when we feel lost and confused and begin questioning all the' whys'.  
'Why me?!' For one.
It takes courage to decide, 'I'm gonna make it, no matter'. 'My world is about Possibilities'. Instead of what most question: 'How can I keep going when life constantly faces me with hurdles?'  It is simply a matter of changing the inquisitive mind into leaving a way for Hope and understanding. Everything is how it is meant to be, and not getting stuck in a repetitive examination that leads to no way out is best. Give yourself the gift of 'hope'. Hope for a better now and future. Begin your day with gratitude.

During this year, something in me changed. It must have been the awakening of the lion in me to realise my life has been great and unique, but it is time to move on to a new chapter with all strength. It has been sad losing friends along the journey, or at least people one counted on as friends, sharing experiences. I had to make a firm decision; if you enter the fabulous bubble I create all around my being, then by all means, come in with love, kindness and no judgment. Through many breakups in friendships this year, I have learned once again a troubled soul seeks excuses to make others wrong; those who judge you harshly are only unkindly questioning their existence. Do not get entangled in their struggle; they will not see it your way and always leave in peace. How others judge you is only their perception of who you are.    I have no war to fight, no one to blame and with all the energy in me, I see no point in arguing with anyone who is so adamant about making me wrong with no sense of logic in their words. Everyone has a right to their opinion; do not give in to gossip, and be kind to yourself.

I recently spent a week in Paris. There was an exhibition to attend, Maison et Objet, with eight large halls filled with consumer goods, from interiors to crafts. I recall the few times visiting the expo twenty years ago; the wow factor was inevitable every single time. This time, I searched each hall for new, inspiring ideas that seemed scarce. Times change, the design goes through its own cycle, and we, human beings, evolve through time. Visiting Paris is always a pleasure; simply walking around the streets, whether wide or narrow, the elaborate architecture of the city is admirable. I also got to meet up with friends over long lunches, sitting under the autumn sun in outdoor cafés and restaurants, reminiscing on old stories and creating new ones, sharing life memories.  

Notre Dame

Tour Eiffel 

Sacre Coeur de Montmartre

         

St Germain shopping streets

Maison et Objet design exhibition hall

Marché aux Puces

Marché aux Puces

       

 

Hotel Costes 

 

Palais de Tokyo - Maison Bleu restaurant

Near Place des Vosges 

Life has not been easy for anyone I have met over the years. Far from it, every single person goes through struggles on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.    
On my return to London, I got on the Eurostar designated coach at the end of the platform with two pieces of luggage on wheels, a painting I had purchased in a large carrier bag, and a large handbag. Only three minutes before the train was to leave, I walked towards my seat, wondering who my new travel companion would be. Moving down the crowded alley to reach seat no 56, my sight delightfully gaged upon a gorgeous young man, tall enough to see his face shine through the crowd. Surprised and not really so, the cutie was my man (obviously not literally!) for the next couple of hours. I smiled once again at my good fortune (I admire beauty in every form or shape) and settled in my seat without a single attention from the young man discussing business matters over the phone in French.  

I was reading articles on my iPhone when we approached the tunnel and left the seat at the self-service cabin. Returning with a bag of food, I cut my panini into pieces, turned to my fellow commuter, and offered him half my meal. He seemed puzzled at first, and suddenly, a pleasant smile brightened up his serious look; he asked in French:
That's very kind. Are you sure?" 

From then on, we chatted through the rest of the journey. The young man, Matt, was involved in a family business in the Loire Valley in his mid-twenties, travelling to London on a short working trip. When we talked about age, I told him:



"You know Matt, everyone seems so serious these days. No one seems happy! It's hard to find smiley faces. Whether we're forty-something, three years old or ninety-five, there needs to be certainty about how long we have left to live. The same goes for those who are arrogant because of their looks and bodies or the ones boasting of material goods. Well, good for you, I say. They can be taken away from you before you can wink! In a second."
Matt seemed engaged in thought and shortly confessed with a grin: 
"It's true, Haldita. I'm too serious sometimes. What you said makes sense. Any age, and we could be gone any time."
It was a joy to leave the young man's side, seeing him smile innocently.  
I wished him a bright, happy future and hugged him before quickly exiting to catch a taxi home.

It has been so hard in London to get back to work. So many distractions of daily meetings with friends; at home, out and about in all corners of this city which is so full of attractions to fill any need, life has been rocking. Believe me, there are moments of doubt for each of us. One of my fit and healthy living relatives recently passed away two weeks after being diagnosed with cancer.  
Talking to someone who had an afterlife experience during an open heart operation, he claimed: "It was so peaceful up there. I didn't really want to come back."
So, have no fear of death. That is one thing we are all sure of. Instead, think how lucky you are to be alive and simply do your utmost to make the best of every moment. Keep thinking about how my time could be up at any moment and what I can do to make my life worth living. 

People's faith in religion is declining since it is being used as a tool to create division, wars and dislike among mankind. What shameful behaviour when we can see all as equal beings with all the tools to help one another with love and understanding. With compassion. Instead of this anger, people seem to hold within.
Talking to my mother today, she said:
"What has happened to our world? We used to live in harmony. There was unity amongst mankind, and despite our differences, there was always some form of respect. You could see people smile at each other. Why is everyone so angry nowadays? It's all about greed and egos, a rat race. Human lives have no value."  

One cannot help but feel heartbroken by the state of the world with all the refugees fleeing their homes, family and friends to walk miles with only a slight case of their lifetime belongings, with an unknown future as to where they may end up. We have read some gruelling stories and seen disturbing images of young children brought to shore in their quest to reach safety, only to live.   

For those of you who have born children into this world, don't judge them harshly because they have not turned out to be the adults you had hoped to become yourselves. They are not here to live your life, but their own experience and path. Show them unconditional love with discipline. And children should not blame their parents for everything they feel has gone wrong. Your parents have done their best for you, and although we question our parents more than any other creature we come upon later in life, they could only do what they did. Try to understand their journey and sympathise with them rather than judge them. But foremost, stop judging yourselves. Accept your beauty as it flows, and make peace with the inner you. Stop bloody thinking so much about unnecessary thoughts. Replace them with happy moments from the past and positive words towards a brighter future. 

Throw me anything and see how I can cope
Tie my hands and watch me untwist that rope
Cloud my mind with all the thoughts of dope
Wash this brain in a bowl clouded with soap
Fill my ears with the unspoken words of 'nope.'
I believe in God but not in the holy pope 
Instead, I will reach out to the harmonious globe
And find a way either to stay positive or elope. 
This world clearly needs to scope
Life is full of possibilities; it's all about Hope.
@halditanotes 

I am grateful to be able to write down my feelings and check to see if they are being read all over the globe. It is truly heartwarming. Thank you, beautiful people. God Bless.

The Viareggio Carnival brought out the Lion in Me!

'Life is just a ride through the eyes of love' is the conclusion from one of Bill Hick's life lessons.

Let's dive straight into the trip to Tuscany on 22 February. The date is essential to me as it was my late father's birthday. At Maximo's suggestion, we flew to Pisa and stayed at a hotel in Viareggio, where another carnival awaited the following day.  

Apart from taking part in the festivities, the time was special to me as Laudi and I were to meet again after a gap of 35 years! Our first contact was in London decades ago, when we introduced ourselves to each other through an introduction from my oldest friend, Grace. Laudi came to stay with me at my mum's for a few weekends. Back in those days, our friendship had flourished from the first time we met, as we ventured on a fun night out to San Lorenzo's Italian restaurant, which, years later, became one of Princess Diana's favourites. While waiting for our table, we were invited to join a table of five by the sweet-talking Mustafa. The gentleman was well-humoured and declared his love for me by the end of the meal! It was a jolly evening, ending at Ronnie Scott's jazz club (at his insistence), where we left them to head home.

Laudi left after a fun-filled weekend the following day, and I continued with my student life. However, when I arrived home after college that day, my mum mentioned:
"The florist called and asked for our address, and soon after, this magnificent orchid arrived with a card in your name. We have a new admirer, have we?" She smiled, watching my very surprised expression.

Being brought up with an incredible, liberal mother was a blessing. Mustafa would call thenceforth from abroad and flew into London the week after to take us out to San Lorenzo again with my mum and brother Soltan, who was barely a teenager. An absolute charmer, the guy was funny; he invited us to Paris for a night before our scheduled holiday to the Côte d'Azur, which he joined too. After a lavish dinner at a reputable fish restaurant in Nice, he called our apartment in Antibes the next day from the Cap-Eden-Roc hotel, where he stayed, to say he had to leave suddenly because of an emergency back home. It may sound strange in this day and age, but this was all done in the friendliest way. Mustafa never laid a hand on me, nor was there any agenda as he literally 'disappeared into thin air'. Ok, that for sure is nothing new, whether then or now!

Oh, dear... I drifted again.
The short friendship between Laudi and I was to be confounded by our different paths. We lost touch soon after but found each other on good old Facebook. On Sunday, 22 February, Laudi and I met in Viareggio after 35 years. The weather predictions of rain and cold during the carnival turned into a glorious sunny day, and we met again to celebrate our reunion. What better way than walking around the festivities while sharing our life stories through the past decades? We were both now divorcees, with stories to fill up endless pages of a book. Great friendships never die; they simply get stronger over time. Maximo left us mainly to ourselves. He had a new flame keeping him busy on his phone, but he joined us at lunch, sitting outside under the Tuscan sun, enjoying delicious Italian food and fabulous company while watching the end of the parade.  

Angela Merkel statue! Oh dear.

The world leaders

After a girlie night in bed, exchanging stories until early morning, Maximo joined us on the train ride to Florence the following day. He left us to get on with his business there for the coming week.

What happened next left me astounded today.

We taxied our way to Laudi's apartment in Florence, where she had been residing all these years, dropped off our luggage, had a light lunch in the sun, and drove off to the elegant Villa Casagrande hotel on the way to Siena. Laudi had mentioned attending a meditation on Monday, and I gladly accepted the invitation to join in. We walked through the immaculate hotel lobby onto a hallway that led to a purely Tuscan-style courtyard. We entered a room on the grounds, with closed curtains and candles burning, where Tania conducted the meditation for the six of us present; five women and one man. She spoke mainly in Italian but happily accepted to translate for my sake. Although I initially felt exhausted during the journey, it soon disappeared when Tania asked us to stand up and immediately handed us eye masks to close our eyes with. Somewhat baffled at the suggestion for what was meant to be a 'meditation', I semi-loudly whispered:
"Is this some kind of 50 shades of grey?"
Everyone smiled. 

Tania didn't seem amused.

Our eyes now firmly shut, lights dimmed, Tania played a tune of jungle music aloud and began:
"I want you now to feel a rage deep inside. Let it grow within you. Feel the animal in you. Find out what your animal is and let it out."
Oh, my Lord! During my marriage, I must have immediately time-travelled fifteen years ago, participating in one of four workshops with my then-therapist, François. The first two-day event occurred at one of the attendees' homes in the countryside. There were fourteen of us present in a drawing room, each scattered around on large cushions and on comfy sofas in this well-lit white space. On that glorious day in June, François taught us about life forces; each of us has an animal side and a plant side. When we get angry, it is the animal force that rages out. At the time, we went into deep meditation and were left to find out the beast inside each of us with our eyes shut. Upon hearing sounds only animals in a jungle could produce, taking over the human beings in that room, it was John, in particular, roaring on all fours in a firm voice which threw me out of bounds; it totally disturbed my concentration. It was like opening the wounds and pouring further poisonous pain onto them; it terrified me as I stood by the doors overlooking the garden; I became a bird and simply flew away. There was no anger in me, only the will to be free... of any disturbing noise.

While the sounds of a bear, pumas, and the hiss of a snake were escalating in the atmosphere, the noise became unbearable and excruciating, and so, as a child, I crawled up on the corner of a sofa in a bundle and cried my heart out.
When we were finally told to calm our senses and come back to real life to share our experience, François turned to me and asked, in his usual gentle manner:
"How did you feel, Haldita? What was your animal?"
Only just getting my breath back from the intense emotions I had experienced, I semi-tearfully replied:
"Hearing John roar like a lion took me back to the difficult times I had endured through the years. It was harsh. I became a bird, and I flew away."
François continued on:
"And when you flew away, Haldita, did you look back?"
There was only one answer to that question:
"No. There was no looking back. I was gone."
The true meaning of François' query and my answer hit me immediately. When I'm gone, I'm gone. No sorrow. No regret. No blame. Only forgiveness and moving on. It is what it is. 
I never did find out what my animal side was.  

That story goes back fifteen years, I had worked hard over three years, with François' wise guidance to get over a very turbulent time in my life. I had begun to rid myself of many insecurities while learning to be free. My spiritual journey blossomed each petal at a time; the chains to which I held the keys had opened magically, and there I was, free to make choices.  

Coming back to the meditation in Tuscany, fifteen years had passed, and there I was, stunned at what Tania was helping us accomplish. Now, I had the chance to find out what my animal side was.  
'Perhaps I don't have an animal side, and I am that bird?' This thought has gone through my mind many times.  
But oh no! As the jungle music was blasting, we were instructed by Tania's firm command to get the rage out; she said: 
"Feel your animal surface, look them in the eyes, make peace, feel their muscles, caress their skin. Make the sound of your beast stand and... Dance... Move."

At this stage, with my eyes shut, a lion appeared, standing firm facing me. He stood strong, staring into my eyes, as did I. It was not total misbelief that I now was that animal. He began taking solid, well-manoeuvred steps towards me, not threatening in any way but dense. He stopped in front of me, got up on his front legs, and placed them steadily over my shoulders. 

Looking into his eyes, now getting closer, I could see myself in that lion clearly. 

The animal within me had awakened, and as directed by our tutor, I ran my fingers through his mane, passed through his neck, that soft fur covering the strong muscles of iron. The music got louder, and I thumped my feet on the ground, my arms loose in the air, dancing in my jungle of thoughts. I roared to my heart's desire, letting out all my anger. 

There I was, that lion.

After a two-hour session, which felt like ten minutes, we returned back to our human roles at the instruction of our teacher, and as we sat, Tania turned to me and said:
"You were magnificent, Haldita; what was your experience?"
I shared my moments with a tremble of excitement:
"It has taken me fifteen years to find out that I am a lion. Those muscles felt strong, that fur soft, and I was making love to my animal. But there was one major point: I shall always walk in kindness, however strong I am. That is power. But I'm not a fool. It's all about respect."

 
Being free to life can bring on circumstances beyond our imagination. Everything happens at the right time and for the right reason; just believe, have faith, and be patient (I keep telling this curious soul).

The following days with Laudi were filled with laughter. One day, in a holistic heated pool outdoors, one hour away from Florence, under the February sun with a glorious Tuscan landscape in view. Another day, shopping in the streets of Florence, we found ourselves looking in the windows of a Miss Sixty boutique. My eyes fixed on a couple of jean body-hugging dresses in a Marilyn Monroe style drew us into the boutique. Knowing the minuscule Italian ladies' sizes, I asked the male attendant to bring me the most significant size, which must have been equivalent to a size 10 UK. In the changing room, I tried desperately fitting into the so-called stretch dresses one by one and failed miserably. Putting all the winter clothes back on, I came out to face Laudi's disappointed look as she asked:
"Haldita, didn't you try the dresses on?!"
I replied with my eyes rolling up in the air:
"I did, darling. Basically, I had a dream that turned into a nightmare as I tried them on. Now that I've woken up, let's get out of here! The dream is over."
We burst into laughter and left for lunch instead.

The week with Laudi soon came to an end, and the time to move to the next destination appeared fast. Maximo was taking me to the antique fair in Parma, plus more fab Italian pasta, pizza, parma ham, and red wine, which took me straight to the doctor's surgery for a blood test upon my return to good old Blighty.  

I have yet to start on my last two trips in June and will be off again next week.  
I love my life. Find ways, anyway, to love yours.

Find me on Instagram under 'Haldita' for photos of my travels. Now, that sounds commercial! Haha.

Sao Vincente Carnival to now... The Anthony Robbins Seminar

You know you are free when you don't compare yourself to anyone. Not just anyone, but no one.
When you accept that you are where you are simply because there is learning along that path,
My affirmation would be:
'I cherish every experience life throws at me and learn.'
Oh boy, do I make mistakes? Even when I know the outcome. But the words keep reoccurring: 'Haldita, Be Kind.' It only sometimes works with everyone, but I only beat myself up if I understood. C'est la vie! Life goes on.

Now, back in February, my carnival seasoning began in Sao Vincente, with our group of eight who had travelled from across the globe, adding up in numbers at each event, were driven back and forth to the tailors, set in a run-down house along a tight alleyway, for costume fittings to take part in the carnival. There was no time for the beach! How is that possible?! A table of twenty of us gathered at a late lunch under the sun (or umbrellas for most) at the St o André fresh fish restaurant in the middle of nowhere, near the airport. It was such a jolly day, full of smiles and happy faces. Great memory; meeting the elegant ladies from Egypt, the Cap Verdean birthday girls and their families and friends. The fabulous Alia with a see-through lace dress that only she, with her statuesque body and skin, could carry. Sitting next to Woody, with an afro wig hairdo and massive glasses, having photos taken. My dear friend and travel companion Donna managed to rid herself of a nasty cold by drinking water, ginger, lemon and honey from the bucket and pulling a brave face at all times with a smile. And there was the loveable Flint, amongst others.

An abandoned ship, a tourist attraction

The view from our hotel room at Sao Vincente

The following day, Getting prepared for a carnival was not to be taken lightly; we rushed to pick up our costumes that morning behind an open van and came back to the hotel to dress up and meet everyone back at Clarice's house who had been in charge of organising it all. We managed to walk there in small groups as and when ready, to be greeted by friendly smiles all the way up to the top floor of her home and waited in queues for the make-up artists to do their paint magic on our washed-up faces. All very excited, we joked and laughed in a great atmosphere while Clarice ran up and down to offer us all the help needed. Once done, we hung the metal piece supporting orange feathers on our back, headgear similar to what the Queen of Shiba might have worn, hand and ankle cuffs made out of cardboard, and finally made it to the pedestrianised streets now jammed with people. All glittered up on high heels, we finally gathered together again and walked to the designated area at the end of the carnival line.  
 

                  

Our flying wings

There was something magical about taking part in the Cape Verde carnival.   

            

Carnival Time!

First day at carnival

Loved the straw skirts! 

Flying bicycle (not entirely)!

The photos here were from the first afternoon of the celebrations. On the last day, I carried the golden masked stick in one hand and organised the headgear with the other most of the time. I tried hard to unsuccessfully mimic the Portuguese song we were meant to have learnt on the first evening (not!) and only managed the word 'carnival' when due. The freezing evening did not bother us due to the excitement and warmth of the crowd standing in support on both sides of the streets, cheering.

The people of Cape Verde were warm and welcoming. The islands are charming and still untouched by tourist traffic. I am grateful to Woody, who made it all possible. After a hectic week in Cape Verde, it was time to return to London. I had one day to rest and one to pack for my next memorable trip to Italy again. I appreciate every single moment of my life. My gratitude is constant all the way.

Now... To Anthony Robbins.
Since it is relatively fresh in the mind, let me reflect on the four-day (each twelve-hour long) seminar I attended at Excel's convention centre with a massive attendance of 7,700 people, as quoted many times by Tony at his 'Unleash the Power Within' event; a rock concert at most! The workshop was intense as Tony, with his 6'7 presence and influential persona, grasped everyone's attention on the first and third days and showed how we can change our lives by believing in ourselves and our dreams. The power of the mind. There was a vibrant atmosphere with loud music and words to inspire the crowd. With all the exercise, dancing, walking over a fire, plus the long hours Tony conducted the seminar, with hardly any break, I lost most of the weight gained in Italy! Joseph McClendon took over the event for the rest of the time.

Tony's mention of billions (in dollars, of course) and his billionaire buddies hanging out in his resort in the Fiji islands and his castle in California, built of many dissembled ones, may have sounded somewhat egoistic, but he was there to hammer his story of success into the audience's brains and prove the absolute possibilities; everything is possible.
Boy, if anyone says I swear, the number of times the effing word was thrown in the air could have filled an air balloon lifting a whole house!  
He mentioned that words are tools to express one's emotions and that using unacceptable ones is more effective as a shock tool. On the first day, Tony prepared us mentally to walk seven to eight steps on strips of red hot lit-up coal, followed by a cold water hose poured on our feet, straight after the parade on fire. We were told to take off our socks and shoes in the auditorium, walk barefoot in the thousands out in the open air, shouting out the words 'Yes, Yes, Yes' until we reached the queue, then look straight ahead and do the walk. I did not find it necessary to pick up the certificate offered for 'walking on fire' as it was a personal experience that I have nothing to prove to anyone, as I have earned the certificates while studying. Must admit, I was not terribly impressed by school in my days. Like, 'Why do I've to study physics?!'  As one example.

The school of life is what interests me. The only break here happens during meditation, the highest way of tapping into universal energies. We allow it to take its course, with results beyond our limited beliefs and to levels beyond our imagination. 
When miracles happen (however big or small), believe them, smile and move on. You have nothing to lose.  

Oh my! I must stop as I look up to see the moon smiling at me...
Watching the rounded full moon shining bright, 
Through a glass roof, I'm humbly mesmerised beneath.
Patches of grey appear as landmarks on a map, 
On a shiny moon glittering in a navy sky,
Clouds gently stroking it in transparency,
On their journey to the unknown future that beholds them.
The full glory of the night is all I have to observe,
To feel the blessings and gratitude I owe the Lord.
My God is your God, and your God is mine
We are all one and One for all.

You know how my mind wonders!
Oh well, to cut this short-ish, the Tony Robbins experience was... An experience!  
On the third day, I met a tall, good-looking Italian dude and enjoyed his company as we paired in, sharing moves from high fives to heartfelt cuddles, dancing and laughing as we absorbed Tony's messages of hope. It was pretty weird behaviour when, on the last day, the Italian made no attempt to even say hello! I thought: 'Hey dude, honestly, I've no interest in you. Get off your high horses. No need.'   
Oh well, each to their own.  

Confirmation of what I practice generally, my intake from the seminar was:
'Have faith.'
'Go after your dreams and think Big' 
'Good is the enemy of Great.'
'Trade your expectations for appreciation.'
'You are your rituals.'
Basically, his message was, Be Outstanding!  
He talked of growing up in poverty and how he made it to the top by persevering in helping so many accomplish achievements beyond their expectations. Even if momentarily for that period of time, he touched many. What intake each took and how that developed in their lives once they left the seminar and got enrolled back into the everyday routine of daily life is a thought.

What I loved about the inspirational Joseph McClendon, who took the stage on the second and last day of the seminar, was the man's humbling confidence. He looked terrific for his sixty-two years.
His teachings were: 
Become your own best friend. Your fan.
Admire yourself.
You are awesome!
Trust it. Believe it.
"I freakin' Rock!"  Keep telling yourself. This is what Joseph got us shouting time after time.
"I FREAKIN' ROCK!