Dating is overrated!

'A mind stretched by a new experience can never return to its old dimensions' - Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Now, isn't that true? So, what stops us from stretching our minds? Why do we keep repeating the same mistake?

I have had my share of trying out certain online dating apps to find a playmate. Forget about a ... What's the word again?! Oh, yes, relationship. Almost every woman I speak to has, at some stage, even if secretly, looked at or joined an online site, looking for the man of their dream. Realistically, that is what it boils down to. Of course, there are few and far between cases in which it has been a success, but all in all, the stories are disastrous. Too much choice confuses the mind.

One story goes ... Sandra, in her late twenties, goes on a first date with a guy. They settle at a table in a bar, and as she thinks the conversation is going well, he excuses himself from the gents and makes sure he takes his mobile with him. Understandable. Shortly afterwards, as he is walking back to the table, Sandra notices he is fixated on his phone screen, swiping his finger to the left, time after time. He was checking his chances for the next date.

In a world where everything can be provided rapidly at the touch of a finger, it is challenging to attain sustainability. Everything has become a quick fix. The consumption of alcohol and drugs, pharmaceutical or otherwise, does not give way to escapism. It deepens the sore. If you choose to take drugs, let it be under control, in moderation. Then again, the word moderation could easily be misinterpreted for different intakes. Basically, 'if you use it, don't abuse it'.

As for one of my dating experiences in recent years, I met Douglas through an app where women first approach men. We hit it off right from the start, on many levels, as in points of view, humour, and constantly applying the word 'ditto' during our long chats. So, we met on a rare sunny day and sat in the garden, and the sound of laughter between us must have filled the neighbourhood. Hours passed by unnoticed, and he left with both of us feeling uplifted and generally joyous. Great.

However, Douglas, soon after, must have gone through a withdrawal symptom! It is all I can think of. He backed out, and I let it go, realising all this affection could have left him uncertain about his emotions. Only some have the capacity or capability to handle a new experience, a new sentiment they may have yet to feel. Nonetheless, he approached me via text soon after requesting a second chance to explain himself. The Scotsman sounded like a well-balanced man at our first Rendez-Vous, yet his reaction afterwards was nothing less bizarre. Curiosity got the better of me, so I allowed him to explain his odd behaviour, as he had requested. 

Douglas apologised for his actions and expressed his panic, assuming I was looking for a relationship that he was not ready for! 
"Seriously?!" I exclaimed. Which part of anything I said brought that conclusion to mind? I'm barely ever here; I'm constantly travelling. I have a great life as is. I thought I'd made that clear."
Anyway, as we warmed up deep into the conversation once again. A couple of hours passed before ... I honestly have no clue as to what made Douglas literally jump off his seat and repeat the following words:
"Oh! I must leave. I really, really must go. I can't do this! I've got to save my heart."
There was no way of hiding my utter shock, with a je ne sais quoi smile and an inquisitive look implying WTF. Before I could say anything more than... 
"Sure. Be my guest."
The man rushed out of that door like he had seen a ghost! 
Immediately after the door shut behind him, I rolled my eyes up in the air and thought...
'Oh well, here we go again; another one has gone to dust.' He began clearing the champagne flutes. Not much thought is wasted on something I cannot figure out or fix.

And you would think that was the end. Right?! Well, wrong.
Douglas contacted me again months later. I just texted back: 'Haha. It's you again!'
Once more, we met. Yes, again. Third time lucky?! Not. The inquisitive side of my brain took charge. What now?
This time around, he arrived with bottles of champagne and red wine! I barely drink. But he wanted to celebrate his news of moving out of London soon and becoming a grandpa at a relatively early age. 
"It's the least I can do." He added when I thanked him for his generosity. 
Our conversation lasted less than thirty minutes and two sips of champagne before he began fidgeting in his seat, got up, started talking gibberish about his family issues and again, left in the flash of lightning! 
I burst out into laughter behind the closed door, yet astonished. 
Oh well, c'est la vie. Let it go, let it go. 

If I were to continue with the odd meetings people have encountered through dating sites, this blog would never end. This is just the tip of the iceberg. It is not about shutting the door of dating and staying safe inside, but how would we cope if we all went back to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone naturally? What happened to eye contact and flirting? The time when women wanted to compete with men is changing rapidly to finally find a firm societal voice. But has this strength in women weakened the powers of the opposite sex?  

One word of advice for online daters: be wary of fake profiles. Not all are what they seem. For one, I am done with online dating—over and out. 

La Vie en Couleurs!

Now, what's a writer's block?! 
I have felt it for some time and didn't have the will to write. The photos I post on Instagram may give way to a privileged life, but what is our understanding of 'being privileged'? 

Privileges are mainly interpreted by the society we now live in concerning wealth and status. One of the most vital privileges of my growing up was the understanding of equality among mankind. Acceptance of everyone's race or religion and is equally open to all. When I smile, it comes from the heart; when I laugh, it is my soul finding humour. There are plenty of sad facts about the world we face, but we cannot allow it to take away the joie de vivre we all need to get through the worst times. 

I find myself repeating the following phrase over and over again...
'I longed for peace and happiness during many years of turmoil, and I searched for it high and low, from therapy to workshops to nature. Once I found it, there was no letting go. Peace comes from within, and happiness is simply gratitude at all times. And now, every day is pure magic for me! Magic, you hear me.'

Yet, I know well that it is a challenging transformation. 
How people see you at first glance depends upon how they feel. Which would reflect how you feel about yourself at the time. In questioning anyone's behaviour towards me, I diverse my thoughts to the inner self and query my feelings. Oh, I have wisened up immensely in the last few years. Grateful for every experience and being I have encountered in this journey; life is too precious, and every minute spent in peace and harmony is a blessed moment. I do love everyone. Truly do. But the best part of the years, my birth certificate indicates, is learning to let go when need be. Let it go if it is not making me happy, content, smiling, at peace, loved, and capable of loving back. It's best to let it go. Whatever that may be. 'Be courteous, be kind' are in my thoughts, but I do not get involved in dramas; they're of no concern to me.' 

I went home for the Christmas holidays, and on the first night of my arrival, a small group of close friends got in touch for an invite to their gathering. Passing by the friendly Alsatian at the entrance, the host welcomed me with open arms and a few more warm hugs, which was the most gracious way to be greeted... 

Now, to explain the state of my mind at the time, back in London, I had stayed put for six months (in my book, that was a loooong time not to be flying somewhere) while planning to go ahead with a significant change. With an open mind towards the outcome of my decision, I went ahead with the idea. However, the sale did not go through, and my head was filled with the questions of 'What am I gonna do with my life?' or 'I should be working! So many people do.' True, but then 'what am I interested in doing towards earning a living?' 
Then, there were moments of 'Ouffff', so many bloody questions!' And 'What's my answer?' 

Back to the gathering back home, one of the boys, a dear family friend, called me aside a good half hour after my arrival and asked:
"What's going on Haldita? You're not yourself. What's happening?"
I looked at him puzzled and questioned: 
"What do you mean? I'm happy like I normally am. I planned to do a deal in London, but it didn't go through; I pulled out, and here I am. There is nothing wrong."
JJ, my dear friend, also known as Guru amongst friends, wasn't having any of this; he continued:
"You're not fooling me. You're not your usual self. Go think about it, and we'll talk later."

I deflated on the first chair in sight and went deep in thought. Of course, I knew damn well he was right. This writer's block was only due to feeling let down by what I saw happening around me, personally or in the world. Yet, looking deep inside, it went back to the self. What has changed in my life? In a heartbeat, the weight lifted from my shoulders; there was a release, a long breath in and out; of course, I knew the answer. As of a revelation, an awakening, my eyes wide open, I approached JJ and confessed:
"My Dear Darling Friend, my brother, you're spot on! What was that all about?! How could I ever for a second underestimate the power of love I feel inside?"
Then, throwing a kick in the air, these words naturally spread out:
"Fuck this shit! Out with overthinking unnecessarily, bullshit perceptions of things that don't exist. What was I thinking?! Or not thinking."
He smiled cheekily and repeated:
"Now, we're talking! Fuck this shit!" And he kicked his leg up in the air while repeating the same sentence.
JJ continued on:
"Out of all people, Haldita, you know what it's all about."

I have been ever so grateful to JJ for pointing out a simple fact. Life is simple. We all get one go at it, and I choose to make my own rules as I go along. After all, rules are only made by other men and women. N'est-ce-pas? (Don't you think?) But to make your own rules, you have to be fully aware. Why are we here? And how much love and understanding are you capable of handling? 

There was a spark. 'Well, if you're willing to do something about it, stop overthinking.' On the other hand, 'If you don't come up with a solution, then just go ahead and live as you've done. Stay focused, but don't forget to smile like you feel it. Love like you really mean it; love your life.' 

After spending most of the last three months travelling, I am now back in London. I needed to start writing once again, breaking the barrier that had blocked my vision. Out with writer's block, and welcome to the new pages of this blessed life. 

I am not shy to confess it. Thank you. Namaste with a big smile. 

@halditanotes