Is my mind playing with me? Or am I actually feeling sad?
Last week, I experienced a low feeling down, which I cannot recall letting slip into that level of rock bottom in some time. It is ok not to be ok. With all the answers to so many ways to keep a positive mind and all the explanations running in the back of my mind, there was no way of escaping this melancholy state.
Looking back at friends who have suffered depression over the years, I questioned what could possibly get one to escape the world under a duvet for days on end? Couldn't they seek help instead of cutting out those who truly cared for them? It was a puzzle I could not quite figure out until I felt it only in small doses.
It seemed like a wire had cut loose in my system, and to reconnect, I had to just go with the feelings that followed. How could I calm a mind full of questions about my future? What am I going to do with my life? In reaching out to friends from different corners of the world and discussing this state of helplessness, I realised this seems to be the case all around. I am certainly not alone in feeling uncertain and dissatisfied. There is an epidemic of mental disorders generally developing across the globe. The pharmaceutical companies must be making a killing and selling a variety of anxiety pills such as Prozac.
When I realised it was going through the dark, the lows, and the downs, I finally saw the light—boom! This morning, an epiphany and an idea came to mind. It was as bright as the sun shining in the blue sky. The white clouds around were the marks of questions, which were now productive thoughts. There is always an answer, but we have to be in the right state of mind to actually see, feel, and act upon it.
Although a relatively temporary state personally, it was a revelation as to what those friends through depression must be going through, in a more extended period, reoccurring time after time. When the wire gets loose, the whole system shuts down, the light dims in our mind, the heart sinks, and there is no way out. Any word of consolation or advice not only does not help but also intimidates the person who is not feeling good about themselves already.
I am lucky to be able to share my genuine emotions and reach out to those who were truly there for me, the friends I consider my family, who have shown their true love over the years. They do not judge, and I can confidently say their advice comes with compassion, understanding and experience. We must place importance on grief; the loss of a dear one, my mother, is still fresh. However, to have accepted it, the comfort of her existence and the chance to see her, feel, and hear her speak no longer exist. She is always here with me, but she is not. This sentiment feels quite different to how I handled my father's death over eight years ago. Somehow I sense she is more distant although I felt pretty close to her and loved her dearly. I cannot help the emotions I am experiencing. Every experience is different, as is every snowflake, as we each are. Time shall heal and perhaps in that, I shall find the answer.
What happened to the world I grew up in? There is war everywhere, and if there isn't, governments work to solve it. Best to keep out of politics, which is certainly not helping our longing for peace, peace around us as well as within. We all hear and see enough crazy shit going on around the globe. And in hope, we must live.
Meditation and keeping doing my best is the only way to calm my mind and ground myself. Best in being kinder and more considerate.
Who said life was easy?! Said No one ever.
Last week, I experienced a low feeling down, which I cannot recall letting slip into that level of rock bottom in some time. It is ok not to be ok. With all the answers to so many ways to keep a positive mind and all the explanations running in the back of my mind, there was no way of escaping this melancholy state.
Looking back at friends who have suffered depression over the years, I questioned what could possibly get one to escape the world under a duvet for days on end? Couldn't they seek help instead of cutting out those who truly cared for them? It was a puzzle I could not quite figure out until I felt it only in small doses.
It seemed like a wire had cut loose in my system, and to reconnect, I had to just go with the feelings that followed. How could I calm a mind full of questions about my future? What am I going to do with my life? In reaching out to friends from different corners of the world and discussing this state of helplessness, I realised this seems to be the case all around. I am certainly not alone in feeling uncertain and dissatisfied. There is an epidemic of mental disorders generally developing across the globe. The pharmaceutical companies must be making a killing and selling a variety of anxiety pills such as Prozac.
When I realised it was going through the dark, the lows, and the downs, I finally saw the light—boom! This morning, an epiphany and an idea came to mind. It was as bright as the sun shining in the blue sky. The white clouds around were the marks of questions, which were now productive thoughts. There is always an answer, but we have to be in the right state of mind to actually see, feel, and act upon it.
Although a relatively temporary state personally, it was a revelation as to what those friends through depression must be going through, in a more extended period, reoccurring time after time. When the wire gets loose, the whole system shuts down, the light dims in our mind, the heart sinks, and there is no way out. Any word of consolation or advice not only does not help but also intimidates the person who is not feeling good about themselves already.
I am lucky to be able to share my genuine emotions and reach out to those who were truly there for me, the friends I consider my family, who have shown their true love over the years. They do not judge, and I can confidently say their advice comes with compassion, understanding and experience. We must place importance on grief; the loss of a dear one, my mother, is still fresh. However, to have accepted it, the comfort of her existence and the chance to see her, feel, and hear her speak no longer exist. She is always here with me, but she is not. This sentiment feels quite different to how I handled my father's death over eight years ago. Somehow I sense she is more distant although I felt pretty close to her and loved her dearly. I cannot help the emotions I am experiencing. Every experience is different, as is every snowflake, as we each are. Time shall heal and perhaps in that, I shall find the answer.
What happened to the world I grew up in? There is war everywhere, and if there isn't, governments work to solve it. Best to keep out of politics, which is certainly not helping our longing for peace, peace around us as well as within. We all hear and see enough crazy shit going on around the globe. And in hope, we must live.
Meditation and keeping doing my best is the only way to calm my mind and ground myself. Best in being kinder and more considerate.
Who said life was easy?! Said No one ever.
