Inspiration comes from self-motivation of the mind. Gosh! What if you are not in the right mindset? It is not an easy task to transfer thoughts into action and make dreams come into reality. The question arises... 'So, what choices do I have?'
Then, I read this on a Facebook page.
'Everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.'
Somehow... This brings back memories of my madness!
It was through online dating and after several emails to and fro, Ed arranged to meet up at the (then new) Lucio Italian restaurant for lunch on a sunny, yet chilly Saturday afternoon. I walked in, with a slight delay, to be shown to the table at which my host was awaiting my arrival.
Now, Ed was tall and very distinguished looking in his tasteful manner of dressing for the occasion. He rose from his seat, with a pleasing smile, to greet me with two friendly kisses on the cheeks and welcomed me at the round table.
After another flirtatious apology on my part for the slight delay (I've made this a lifetime habit! Have become so good at it), we seemed to have hit it off right from the start. I must admit, his very upper-class British accent was next to none and this mixed with his inexplicable sense of humour, kept me dazzled as to whether he was putting on an act or he actually spoke in that manner. Basically, he made me laugh and I like that most in a man. I could tell the man had a certain aristocratic background but this was of no relevance to me. Lunch continued on for hours and he made no claim as to his history. He certainly had a good taste in wine.
Lunch over, we came back to my place to listen to a selection of chill house music, more talk and laughter. Ed then suggested we move on to his pad nearby and the afternoon went into the night with a take-away service from the local Chinese. We ate, drank, talked and danced in his living room. The invitation to my good friend Luke's engagement party which had begun in the afternoon on that Saturday went completely passed me. It was so good meeting someone I felt so totally at ease with and we made love as two souls melting into one.
It was only about 5.30 a.m. that I realised my friend's engagement party must hopefully, still be going on. I fled out of Ed's apartment, without the faintest inkling of sleep, to join what was left of the party running from the afternoon before; the four guests and the engaged couple were scattered around the vast space in the house and garden. The excitement of the previous hours had pumped out a new outburst of energy in me. At my arrival, Luke and his almost angelic-looking lady stood up to welcome me, his brother began playing music, a couple of others joined and we danced on for another couple of hours before I wished them joy and left.
Ed and I went on to meet, on and off for some time to come. We discussed the good times and the difficult times of our lives, without any indication of attachment. Although he did mention once:
"Now... Haldita," in that very British accent of his, "I know you're not very fond of the idea of a boyfriend, girlfriend and like your freedom. But I like entering occasions, with a lady on my arm," he posed for a second, clearing his throat, "Would you consider being that lady?"
"Mmmm..." I was baffled at the suggestion.
"Oh! You don't have to answer right away," he said, "Think about it."
The expression on my face must have given him a sense of insecurity as he changed the subject.
"You know I've tried and tested all the kinds of women you can imagine," he went on, "the English rose who didn't quite smell like one to the heiress and the lady who took me to a fetish club. In the long run, none of them fitted my criteria of the woman I want to be with."
"Well, I certainly understand where you're coming from Ed," I said sympathetically.
Then, I read this on a Facebook page.
'Everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.'
Somehow... This brings back memories of my madness!
It was through online dating and after several emails to and fro, Ed arranged to meet up at the (then new) Lucio Italian restaurant for lunch on a sunny, yet chilly Saturday afternoon. I walked in, with a slight delay, to be shown to the table at which my host was awaiting my arrival.
Now, Ed was tall and very distinguished looking in his tasteful manner of dressing for the occasion. He rose from his seat, with a pleasing smile, to greet me with two friendly kisses on the cheeks and welcomed me at the round table.
After another flirtatious apology on my part for the slight delay (I've made this a lifetime habit! Have become so good at it), we seemed to have hit it off right from the start. I must admit, his very upper-class British accent was next to none and this mixed with his inexplicable sense of humour, kept me dazzled as to whether he was putting on an act or he actually spoke in that manner. Basically, he made me laugh and I like that most in a man. I could tell the man had a certain aristocratic background but this was of no relevance to me. Lunch continued on for hours and he made no claim as to his history. He certainly had a good taste in wine.
Lunch over, we came back to my place to listen to a selection of chill house music, more talk and laughter. Ed then suggested we move on to his pad nearby and the afternoon went into the night with a take-away service from the local Chinese. We ate, drank, talked and danced in his living room. The invitation to my good friend Luke's engagement party which had begun in the afternoon on that Saturday went completely passed me. It was so good meeting someone I felt so totally at ease with and we made love as two souls melting into one.
It was only about 5.30 a.m. that I realised my friend's engagement party must hopefully, still be going on. I fled out of Ed's apartment, without the faintest inkling of sleep, to join what was left of the party running from the afternoon before; the four guests and the engaged couple were scattered around the vast space in the house and garden. The excitement of the previous hours had pumped out a new outburst of energy in me. At my arrival, Luke and his almost angelic-looking lady stood up to welcome me, his brother began playing music, a couple of others joined and we danced on for another couple of hours before I wished them joy and left.
Ed and I went on to meet, on and off for some time to come. We discussed the good times and the difficult times of our lives, without any indication of attachment. Although he did mention once:
"Now... Haldita," in that very British accent of his, "I know you're not very fond of the idea of a boyfriend, girlfriend and like your freedom. But I like entering occasions, with a lady on my arm," he posed for a second, clearing his throat, "Would you consider being that lady?"
"Mmmm..." I was baffled at the suggestion.
"Oh! You don't have to answer right away," he said, "Think about it."
The expression on my face must have given him a sense of insecurity as he changed the subject.
"You know I've tried and tested all the kinds of women you can imagine," he went on, "the English rose who didn't quite smell like one to the heiress and the lady who took me to a fetish club. In the long run, none of them fitted my criteria of the woman I want to be with."
"Well, I certainly understand where you're coming from Ed," I said sympathetically.
Guess, this comment did not quite express my emotions of how I truly felt about 'being his girlfriend'. And the subject was not raised again.
Another time, Ed called on an early afternoon, a sunny, winter's day and asked if I was busy. As it happened, I was free. So, he drove to pick me up in his large automobile, for lunch in an empty restaurant close by. Ed arrived rather too jolly to be behind the wheel... In that state! As we drove around to look for parking, he played the bumper-to-bumper car in the back streets and managed to hit the cars parked on each side of the narrow street. I was laughing in total disbelief as he went on happily talking to me.
I had to say something: "Ed, do you realise we just hit a few cars?"
"Ah! Here's a space." He said as he tried and I mean 'tried' to park.
My words had gone straight passed him. We settled in the empty restaurant as it was early afternoon and went on jokingly enjoying the home-cooked Lebanese food and dessert till early evening, while Ed managed to entertain me and the lady owner serving the food with his impeccable sense of humour. Thank goodness, he decided to leave the car behind after the meal.
Looking back... If only I had felt his words were meant from the heart, I might have agreed to be 'his girlfriend', for a short while at least. However, it was the words 'a lady in his arm' which did not quite do it for me. We went on to meet every so often and talk about absolutely everything that went on around us. It was as though our friendship was a close bond but... Guess not. As much as I miss his company at times, it was he, who decided to end it all one day, by a text. There was no use trying to persuade him otherwise. His mind was set and I would not dream of being in anyone's life, if for one second I felt 'not wanted', for whatever reason.
Let bygones be bygones,
And new beginnings flow in.
Bring on the great vibes,
Let the joy of living take you to paths,
You never dared go before.
As long as there is love in my heart
Take me to new heights
And let me spread that heart-pounding feeling of love,
Onto those who can appreciate it.
If this is fantasy?
I want to make it... Reality.
And on that note... I have an early flight to catch... cOPENhagen is awaiting me. Mmm...
Another time, Ed called on an early afternoon, a sunny, winter's day and asked if I was busy. As it happened, I was free. So, he drove to pick me up in his large automobile, for lunch in an empty restaurant close by. Ed arrived rather too jolly to be behind the wheel... In that state! As we drove around to look for parking, he played the bumper-to-bumper car in the back streets and managed to hit the cars parked on each side of the narrow street. I was laughing in total disbelief as he went on happily talking to me.
I had to say something: "Ed, do you realise we just hit a few cars?"
"Ah! Here's a space." He said as he tried and I mean 'tried' to park.
My words had gone straight passed him. We settled in the empty restaurant as it was early afternoon and went on jokingly enjoying the home-cooked Lebanese food and dessert till early evening, while Ed managed to entertain me and the lady owner serving the food with his impeccable sense of humour. Thank goodness, he decided to leave the car behind after the meal.
Looking back... If only I had felt his words were meant from the heart, I might have agreed to be 'his girlfriend', for a short while at least. However, it was the words 'a lady in his arm' which did not quite do it for me. We went on to meet every so often and talk about absolutely everything that went on around us. It was as though our friendship was a close bond but... Guess not. As much as I miss his company at times, it was he, who decided to end it all one day, by a text. There was no use trying to persuade him otherwise. His mind was set and I would not dream of being in anyone's life, if for one second I felt 'not wanted', for whatever reason.
Let bygones be bygones,
And new beginnings flow in.
Bring on the great vibes,
Let the joy of living take you to paths,
You never dared go before.
As long as there is love in my heart
Take me to new heights
And let me spread that heart-pounding feeling of love,
Onto those who can appreciate it.
If this is fantasy?
I want to make it... Reality.
And on that note... I have an early flight to catch... cOPENhagen is awaiting me. Mmm...
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