Let's dream on...

Do you recall returning to your childhood and all your dreams about 'who you wanted to be when you 'grow up'? I wanted to be a ballerina with a ponytail tied in a bundle and a frilly layered tulle skirt, all in pale pink, yet I never attended one ballet class! But when my mother played the piano, I used to dance, imagining I was one, leaping from one side of our living room to the other on the magic Persian rug beneath my feet. 
Life must have been good; there was no care in the world.

As I grew up at school, the thought of teaching grasped my attention, but that was short-lived. An array of school kids making far too much noise. Nah. As a teenager, my pledge to become a great drama actor to my mother failed miserably; she said: 
"Your father will not hear of it!"
Years later, something awoke when my mother took me to see the musical Evita on stage at a London theatre. Evita is based on the life story of Eva Perõn, who founded the Eva Perõn Charitable Foundation and the Female Peronist Party and was called the Spiritual leader of the nation of Argentina. What struck me most about this grand lady was her spirit of doing good and helping those in need as a true humanitarian. 

Back then, the news kept disappointing, and you couldn't escape it without access to social media. Whenever I feel stuck, or life is not giving me the kick I need, I know it is time for a change. My future could not be more unknown now, which excites me immensely. I let go of fear long ago, and meditation helps me reach my goals. It helps me think clearly and with purpose.

I have done my share of travelling, having visited 64 countries. The number is somewhat irrelevant, but the memories from each experience have widened my views on how each culture dominates specific thoughts and beliefs and the power we possess to change all that. Although society quickly leaves us out of touch with reality in this robotic age, we must fight back by growing Love and compassion within. 

What is the reality? The reality is Love. 
Begin with yourself. Look at yourself in a mirror and smile. Smile more and start to think of the good in you. Spoil yourself rotten with the idea. This is a Selfie made for your eyes only. Speak to your inner child, who suffered and smile at that innocence you felt within. I recall going through this process at therapy sessions. I cried wholeheartedly every time my young self passed through the window of my thoughts. But in time, I came to peace with her and hand in hand, we became one happy woman. Think big, but remember, karma has a way of biting back. The marks will bleed, whether you believe in it or not. What you wish for will come back to you, eventually. Wish well.

Now, the world wasn't anything like the state or mess it was in when I was growing up. The future seemed bright, and the fear of wars, global warming and significant diseases was rare. People generally lived in hope. Then again, I was a child over half a century ago. The world was at peace, relatively. My world, for sure. Yet, there always has been suffering everywhere. In my 'privileged' world then, I had the chance to experience childhood as we imagine it; so free on so many levels, yet bounded by respect. The discipline of an English boarding school shaped me with tools; as harsh as they may have seemed at the time, being away from my loving family certainly helped in my character-building for the future to behold. 

The only way to stay positive is to hold on to hope, as if life depended on it. The way to feel hope is through gratitude. You stop moaning when you notice the things you could be thankful for instead of what you don't have. Begin by seeing beauty in nature as you pass by a garden or a park, in a painting or a person as you look into their eyes. Awareness is the key to making changes. Refrain from fooling yourself into believing what is not.

Going back to the image Evita left in me, which flew out of my mind on the pages here after decades, I have had deep thoughts about my future. I will take a leap, not quite as a ballerina but more like a lover of humankind, to the future that awaits, with eagerness. I am selling my apartment, downsizing as the new term goes, and travelling, this time on a mission to see how I can help anyone, anywhere.  

I have been travelling nonstop, on long hauls, the last... Could it be seven months? Mmm... Seven years? Oh no, fifteen years? Forever. I have learned that you can connect to people with a wholehearted smile and a simple hello. There is so much good in people, and when you learn to put down your guard and speak to everyone in the same manner, you will notice it right away. No one is above me, and no one is below me. I could be you as you could be me. 

So be nice. 
Travellers who are open to this attitude always have the best time en route.


The poet in me awakens - Our Planet.

The light of the day is soon to diminish behind the darkness,
The sun giveth way to a moon yet to mature, in the infinity of its surroundings.
I can hear a bird from a neighbouring garden singing to its heart's delight,
While my thoughts wander mysteriously into the still of the night.

The enigma of my thoughts tonight diverts towards human cruelty,
We are shamelessly destroying our planet with obscure brutality.
Yet, little do those know how nature has its ways of defending itself, 
What it's been denied, this could not have a happy ending.


Have you tried eating a pomegranate without having your top covered in red dots?! 
These are random thoughts.

@halditanotes 

It is, what it is. Simple

I am sitting on my turquoise velvety sofa, resting my tired back against a cushion, print of women in colourful dresses, each standing on the edge of a window sill with their arms up in victory, dated to the sixties in New York City. My mind is scattered all over the place. It is exciting. I am typing everything and anything that comes to mind. 

How amazing it feels to let go? Be like a child. Say what you like. Act as you please.

Where am I in life? In the same place, I have been writing this blog all along, a place of bliss, taking good as evil, up as down, and getting closer to a place I have dreamt of being. I could share the times I questioned every single aspect of every situation. But in the end, I know... It is what it is. Either accept and do something about it or sink in that over-and-over questioning. Why change? Because you are worth it.

In an age where most have lost touch with reality, everyone is mocking the age of selfies, yet we all have a few hidden ones on our phones. Some like to exploit it, and others prefer to keep it private. But doesn't this rule apply to so many actions we all take? It's OK if I do it, but it's good if someone else has a go. Why is there a need to put anyone down? Why can't we help each other lift up our moods instead?

I open my arms to the adventures that await

Everything falls into place, like a rope with a bait

Seduced by the desire to feed that hungry need

It is food for thought as to a bird, a seed. 

Embrace the purity of the child within

Keep to that innocence with teeth and chin.

Close your eyes, let the opulent scent of jasmine

Take you to places you have never been.

As for my absence on the blog, globe-trotting would have made Marco Polo proud! Haha
Do you think life is all rosy for a moment, or is it easy for me to be happy? Oh no. I simply worked hard to open up my mind and my thoughts. Freeing myself of all past hurts, letting go of fear. 'Learning the tools to live more peacefully,' as I told my new pilates reformer friend, 'only gives you an open mind to think and make choices. Shit happens everywhere. With the tools, you simply make the stink more bearable'. 

So, along my travels, Goa is a destination where I feel totally lost in a place as close to paradise as can be. Avoiding the tourist areas, there is a village up North where the meaning of a melting pot makes sense. Almost everyone you meet is from a different part of the world, all gathered in a place you are not judged but accepted as you are. The values are not based on your posh address or your bank account. Living in big cities, it is easy to lose touch with the reality of what this is all about; our time on earth. 
Meeting people on their own journey is an exchange of thoughts and ideas through delicious Indian curries and laughter. The music scene of DJs' appearances in Saturday night markets or open-air bars facing the Arabian Sea with the moon shining above is breathtaking. Great smoke, and no one bothers you. 
I get lost in Goa, into the simplicity of how extraordinary life is and how everyone matters. I even love the cows appearing on specific beaches and chilling under the sun—people-watching! 

We are guests here
Life is dear
Death may be near
Listen to your heart, hear
Give thanks and cheer
For life moves in gear
Heart through conscience sear
Let go of all fear 
For life is Dear. 


Oh, it's so good to write again.
If you are reading this, I love you for it. 

I'm Brilliant! How are you?

How am I? I'm Brilliant. Great. Fantastic. Fabulous.

How are you feeling today?

When I talk to my adorable young housekeeper, who comes to help me out once a week, I always ask her, "And how are you, my Darling Poly?" 

She smiles with a tired look and replies: "Oh! Tired, but I'm ok."

This kept recurring weekly, and I felt sorry for this young soul working so hard. What could I do to help her? I kept asking myself. ... One evening, after she left, I reflected on my past at the time of Poly's present age. Married with two young children, helped run a business with my partner, moving countries. The list is too long and tedious to continue, but I could have been the twirling superwoman, minus the outfit. So, I waited till she last came to work, and as per usual, I put the question to her:

"How are you, Poly, my darling?"

She answered exactly the same in her broken English: "Oh! You know, I'm tired."

I looked at her as a daughter and softly said: "Can I tell you something, my love?"

Poly nodded: "Yes, Haldita."

I continued, "When I was working on myself to get stronger, I learned a great lesson. What we think and say has a great impact on how we live our lives."

She looked somewhat puzzled, so I went on: "When I ask you how you are, your answer is: I'm good, I'm great, thank you, like you mean it. And this will impact how you feel. Try it."

She seemed happier instantly, smiled back and said: "Good. Yes, I'm good. I'll try."

It so happened that I saw Poly accidentally only three days after this incident at a friend's house, so I asked her, "Hi Poly, how are you feeling today?"

She smiled brighter than usual and said, "I'm good, I'm very good, Haldita. Thank you."

Then he went on: "You know, after your advice, I've been practising saying I'm good, and I feel much better! Really!"

Amazing.

It was clear to me this shit works. Haha. It sure does with me all the time.

You are great as you are. Believe in yourself.

Cambodia - madness on Koh Rong Samloem

Note to self...
The only way to feel loved is to breathe love into every cell of my body and soul.

No grudges - only forgiveness. When I forgive anyone for the hurt inside, I have forgiven myself foremost, letting the anger be replaced by peace and a smile of deep gratitude. We need more kindness and love under any circumstance in what may well seem like our messed-up world.

The last destination of 2016 happened to be the warm and friendly country of Cambodia, which was known as Kampuchea during the Khmer occupation.  

Sis and I flew into Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, after a long haul. As we got off the plane, the warm air penetrated our skin into our bones at a time when most of the Western world was experiencing the chilling cold blast of winter. Cambodians, with their courteous manner, made us feel welcome immediately. At the Plantation Resort, where we spent the following two nights, we felt peace and tranquillity despite being so central. The leading site to visit is the Royal Palace, the walk by the Mekong River and generally watching the locals in prayer at the tiny temples by the water, going through their daily routines.

Upon arrival, I realised that I had left my credit cards behind, far, far away! Oops! Oh well, modern technology and Booking.com, with a good attitude, can get you very far. Besides, dollars ruled there. Dolares, dolares! 

We booked a six-hour bus ride from the capital to Siem Reap, a destination I had only visited less than three years before but was thrilled to experience again. When we arrived that evening, we left our luggage at the Lynnaya Urban River Resort and tuk-tuk-ed our way into Pub Street, the buzzing night spot. On our way, we noticed a reggae bar, which became our every-night hangout, where we'd sit and chat with people from Switzerland, France, the US, New Zealand, and so on. Everyone was friendly and smiley. The oriental-looking, Jamaican-born DJ with light-coloured dreadlocks enchanted us with tunes ranging from Bob Marley to chilled reggae music, which was new to my ears. We talked, danced and spent some fun hours there.

Compared with Phnom Penh, Siem Reap thrived with visitors embarking on a journey through time, surrounded by stone statues of Buddhas everywhere the eye could see. On my now second visit to Angkor Thom, I felt, yet again, a similar overwhelming feeling of awe as I had the first time I came here. My thoughts drifted to questioning how these large pieces of stone were carved to form such oneness in all the hundreds of statue heads and how many sculptors were involved in the project over the long period it was built. How is it they did not make a name in history? Then how many artists, writers, and philosophers have lived without their work ever being exposed to the public? So, what does it take for someone to step out of their box and venture out into the world as did Picasso, Einstein, Plato, Tina Turner, etc? Just a thought amongst many more crossing my mind?

Angkor Thom

Tonlé Sap - fishing village

From 1975 to 1979, Pol Pot took over a harsh reign of mass destruction during which an estimated two million people died, suffering from starvation, disease and exhaustion, at the brutal hands of the Khmer Rouge regime. Onlwastwenty years ago, the other country's doors opened to foreign visitors. Personally, I find it heartbreaking to witness signs of human vulgarity and, hence, did not attempt to check out any war-related museums or sites. And on that note, good luck to America with their new leader; it kind of rings a bell on a different tone and era. Oh well, time will tell.

Apart from touring around the magic of Angkor Thom and Angkor Wat by Tuk-tuk, my beloved sister's presence made my trip genuinely memorable this time. Every relationship needs to be worked on; there must be understanding and respect at all times. But boy, when it works, it sure is worth it.

We left behind four nights in this marvellous city, with a short plane ride, a taxi, and a ferry, for a week on the Koh Rong Samloem (or Sanloem) island.
The 40-minute ferry ride was a little bumpy due to the rough Gulf of Thailand waters, which we had to cross to arrive at an astonishing sight of what heaven must be like. Truly gob-smacked as we walked behind the two hotel staff carrying our luggage to the Khmer-style Sol Beach resort hut on the beachfront. We did thank God, our Universe, and every energy that brought us to this spellbinding island. We are always grateful and never take a second of our lives for granted, which is the main reason for our happiness. 

On the first night, of course, we discovered the Octopussy bar, where we immediately made friends with the youthful Scandinavian bartender, Grete and a young American marine man, Lee, based in the Far East and both backpackers. The bar owner and his lady warmed up to us almost immediately, and Octopussy became our evening hangout on the island. Walking barefoot on the white sandy beach and swimming in the bluest of seas at the perfect temperature was an orgasm of its own level. Not literally, you understand. Even reminiscing on it makes me smile big time.

HEAVEN

Every photo I took was postcard material. 
From Saracen Bay, where we stayed, to the Lazy Beach, a 1.5km walk through green fields, a river crossing on planks and the most magical path with the deafening sound of a particular cricket ended with the following scenery ...

pathway to Lazy Beach

yellow sandy beach awaited on the other
side of heaven

With Spectacular Sunsets

Swam all day in the most tantalising of waters, constantly showed gratitude to God and counted our blessings to experience such divinity. Again and again, I beg you, each of you, to observe your life and look at how so many are left in unspeakable conditions worldwide with a dimmed future ahead. Keep smiling, no matter what. Keep nourishing the goodness in you with acts of love and kindness towards yourself and others. Be patient and accept where you are is where you are meant to be. What can you do to make your life a happy one? You can, I can. We can all help ourselves have a better future. And indeed, it is not the dismal state the world is in at any moment.

One evening on the island, a young couple with whom we had connected suggested, on their last night, that we go to the Jungle Party, somewhere on the way to Lazy Beach, in the 'jungle' of course. So, we said: "bien sûre." As we arrived in the drizzle, a girl who knew them approached and, after a chatter, mentioned whether we would all try some... Not sure what it was called! PHD?! HGP? GHP? Who bloody knows! She reassured us the substance would leave no residue in our blood system by the next day. It couldn't be that bad, indeed. Being game, in the name of fun, she poured a little into our soft drink (after having consumed two cocktails at the bar) while we assumed she had offered us a drink! The damn thing got me running to the loo every few minutes and Sis throwing up (I may add quite gracefully) as we sat at the high, roughly cut wooden table in the dark forest which surrounded us! No one seemed to notice. Of course not! They were too intoxicated. We soon realised that it could not possibly have been an innocent drink and with all strength, we could muster we pulled our energies together, after the forty-five-minute walk, arm in arm, 'tripping' back to our room. We are mad! End of story. Haha.

Oh, one last magical souvenir glowing in my mind was...
Mpay Bay was another side of the island. We took a boat trip to a fishing village. It is so different from the other side; more are lived in by locals and totally hippie-looking tourists. It could be cleaner and more proper but more of what one would imagine an untouched Cambodian village to be like. We got off on Mpay Bay and were guided in the tiny town to the sunset bar. Even under the cloud, the scenery was mesmerising. At the renowned self-service restaurant, I ate some of the most delicious dishes imaginable. My mouth waters at the thought. Then the group of fifteen of us stopped on the way back on the boat, in almost pitch darkness, we were instructed to wear goggles and jump into the sea. We began splashing in the water around us with our arms and legs, and oh my God! The plankton was glowing like little stars, lighting up the sea and surrounding our bodies with sparkles. Even when I threw the water in the air with an outstretched arm, the sparkles shone and disappeared in the air. Pure magic! 

That's life. Magic comes and goes. Take advantage of it.

Mpay Bay supermarket

Growing older gracefully is about looking back at life and smiling at all the memories. Make the minutes, the hours, and the days count. It is about the 'Now'. You don't use it, you lose it. Gone.