Saint or Sinner?!

Gratitude

Blessed

Content

Detached

Free

These words came to mind at the beginning of my meditation today.

With a positive attitude, life flows by, like a river on a mountain, under a clear blue sky, in the glow of sunshine. All I care to hear is the birds' sound and the leaves' movement as they barely touch through the breeze of the fresh air.

There is always a reason for absolutely everything that happens in life. Be it a smile from a stranger, for a momentary boost of the mood, or an in-depth chat with a friend over the progress we have made along our journey to reach a state of joy within. What made me get so emotionally philosophical now was an inspiring lunch with Charlotte, talking about the fruition that comes with a good heart and a better understanding of how the world operates on a spiritual level. Let alone anger, ego, and attachments of any kind, and instead, replace them with love and forgiveness, detachment, and freedom. Free yourself of all expectations.

Last night, my new... Mmm... For now, let's call him 'my new intimate friend'; he went to the movies and had a delicious bite of Japanese at a new local restaurant. A yummy night altogether.

I picked a French/Canadian film called 'Cafe de Flore' by Jean-Marc Vallee. At the end of the movie, I was left astounded. It intertwined the life of this 'perfect' couple, in parallel to the love of a protective mother towards her son with Down syndrome. Stories separated by time and space, conjoined by love. This a definite recommendation. It reminded me of a book I once read about past lives called 'Many Lives, Many Masters'.

In case you found the beginning of this blog too heavy, let me tell you about a fun adventure that happened not long ago!

On one of my journeys of discovery of the self and places, I found myself landed in Kerala, India, with Aisha, Aida and Raquel, on an ayurvedic resort amid a garden of Eden, on top of a forestry hill, close to the sea, after two weeks of early morning meditation, followed by yoga, vegetarian meals and two hours of massage by two ladies daily. On our last night, we decided to dine at the sister resort to ours called Somatheeram, ten minutes away, accompanied by our new friend Omja, who had been most hospitable in showing us around the area on our two weeks' stay and with whom we had well acquainted over our regular visits to his jewellers' shop in the compound of our hotel. The night had fallen as we arrived at Somatheeram, dressed up in the Indian costumes we had purchased on the day for our last supper under the stars. As I took a picture of Aisha in her loosely worn headscarf, I noticed a blue-eyed young man pass by and smile. Of course, catching his glance, I asked sweetly:

"Do you mind taking a picture of us?"

And so he did. We asked him to join us for dinner, but he declined; however, he took our mobile number in case he could come by after the meal. 

We finished our meal, and as we returned back to our place of residence to catch a couple hours of sleep (not me, being last minute, I had not packed yet) before being picked up at 2am for our flight, a text arrived, from whom but the blue-eyed Vlad asking whether I needed help packing! After all, a girl could do with the company at a late hour amid a forest. N'est-ce-pas? Remember I was sharing a room with Raquel, who was in a jolly mood, chatting to us over dinner after her first half bottle of wine in two weeks.  

But that cheeky kiss he stole from me in the bushes that night before leaving must have left its mark as two years down the line, I received a text from Vlad, saying he was visiting London for two weeks and asked whether we could meet. My busy schedule had not allowed any time for a get-together since I returned from New York. On his last day, we finally managed to see each other, recalling the possibility of our brief encounter and the re-visit. Different friendships form in different ways.

Last week, as part of a cultural feed, Sylvia joined me on Wednesday at Tate Modern's Damien Hirst exhibition. Although I did not consider myself a fan, his work on butterflies caught my attention, especially their light blue circle, fine and delicate. The countless medicine cabinets, each carrying a theme as in 'Sinner' to 'Anarchy', with a recommendation of different pharmaceutical goods to take for each heading, from Zantac to antibiotics and pain killers to many more suggestions. 

We left Tate Modern in the rain to catch a taxi to the West End's Royal Haymarket Theatre to see the comedy 'One Man, Two Guvnors', which was funny but not precisely the humour I enjoy. Once our cultural needs had been satisfied, hunger drove us to dinner at the very trendy Bodega Negra basement in Soho, to be the last two leaving the entrance next to the Sex Shop on the street.

Another visit to Novikov's restaurant last week was inviting Hessa to celebrate her years at a large table with her many friends present. After dinner, A group descended to the basement club for more chatter and a little boogie.

Where else did I go?  

Omar had asked me to accompany him in Westfield (Mall) one-afternoon last week to look for ladies' high heels as he and Bobby were invited to a fancy dress party of 'black tie and stilettos'. I was totally flattered by my friend asking me, and we giggled while he tried walking in them, being thrown glances of lifted eyebrows as Omar innocently confessed to never having tried high heels before. Not only did Omar and I meet again at Hessa's party, but he and Bobby invited me and Kristel out to Noura's fabulous Lebanese on Saturday night. We met three times in one week!

Tonight, I have returned from a cocktail at Savoir Beds. In this shop, a party was held promoting their high-quality beds, filled with feathers and girls dancing in Myla designer lingerie for the evening's entertainment. The invite came from Kelly, asking Ernest, Torsten and me to join her at the venue; right up my alley in more ways than one!  

As I moved my head from side to side to look directly across the crowd, Kelly followed my gaze and smiled, asking:

"And what are you looking at now, Haldita?"

Then she turned around and noticed a tall, long-haired blonde man standing on the opposite side and said: "It's just eye candy; I knew exactly."

I blew out air and said: "I don't just have a sweet tooth, you know? But also a sweet eye!"

We parted ways before midnight tomorrow. There was a new destination in store.

As one of my friends texted:

"Haldita, are you in town or on another one of your exotic destinations?"

I had to reply: "Well, I'm off to Manchester tomorrow, out of all places. Would you call that exotic?!"

 

My life is so varied, and my stories are diverse... Now...  Am I a Saint or a Sinner?! 

Neither really, I am just me; sometimes saint, others sinner. 

High Line New York to O2 London

Every city has its Wonders, and New York's latest development, the High Line, is an elevated linear park on an old railroad track site, ranging from the Meatpacking District through Chelsea, close to the Hudson River. 

 

Elliot had suggested I join him for a stroll on the elongated bridge over the city. The fact that the weather was cold and cloudy happened to be in our favour as the tourists were a fraction of what, Elliot mentioned, usually would be the case. 

'We don't allow such minor details as the weather to stop us from whatever great plan comes along' was a point of view my friend and I shared. Elliot and I had travelled around Ukraine together on a train some years ago. He explained how 'the gay boys moved out of Chelsea into Hell's Kitchen' and hence the beginning of the rise of the development in this area. We finished the tour in the cold breeze at the trendy Scoop boutique, where I managed to leave with four cashmere jumpers (or sweaters, as the Americans put it); they did have a sale on them! We then looked around Jeffrey's trendy store in the Meatpacking District. Still, my attempt to find lingerie in that area of town could have been better, so we headed to the recommended La Petite Coquette boutique in University Place. 

The very efficient saleswoman came to my rescue when I told her frankly:

"I've a date tonight, and I'm desperately looking for something special." 

Don Juan's re-appearance, this time on the New York scene, was an episode of High Chaparel meets Sex and the City, a case of make-belief. Then again, isn't every scenario of our life simply a fabrication of our mind before we act upon it? We met up at the bar of his trendy hotel for a drink and a nibble. Needless to say, I needed to catch up (not easy being a lady!). Our exchange of flirts, accompanied by the bubbles of champagne, turned the evening into a fascinating ending.

The following day, all the excitement of the past few days left me in a deep nap at midday to wake up and realise I was late for my meeting with Josh, exploring the Metropolitan Museum! Instead, we walked around Central Park before I cabbed down to the hip Standard Hotel, yet again, back in the Meatpacking District. This time, it was to see Lori, who was also visiting New York. We had soup at the hotel's outdoor restaurant. We left to walk around the area and pay a visit to her enchanting musical friend Rally, only to head back to the Beer Garden at Standard, where we met up with Pari, who was an accurate picture of a hard-working New Yorker, slender, in a dark suit and white shirt. 

After a can of Red Bull, I managed to get my strength back together to join my companions for dinner at the Grill of the same hotel. We managed to spend our entire day at the Standard!

As Pari parted and we wandered, thinking of heading our separate ways, the loud music from Hogs and Heifers' Saloon drew our attention.

I asked: "What's that?"

Lori explained: "It's one of the oldest bars around."

I smiled: "Shall we?"

In this dingy, dark, all-American saloon, we noticed heaps of colourful bras hanging along the top side of the bar on the left. A jolly, male-dominant room, where the two bikini-topped ladies in shorts served mainly beer. They then raised the sound of a country tune playing and jumped on the bar to stomp their feet hard, dancing. It was amusing as more ladies joined them on the rigid, wooden strip. Lori was busy chatting to some Swiss travellers when, on their second round, I jumped on the bar to join the only barmaid dancing. She asked if I would take my bra off for their collection!

Upon entrance earlier and seeing the hanging bras, I told Lori:

"Darling, whatever happens, make sure I don't take my new bra off. I only just got it from Victoria's Secret!"

On Wednesday, the evening before leaving for Southampton, I joined Arnie and Elliot for dinner at the highly recommended Babbo's. The restaurant was fully booked, with the option of going early and hoping to find stools. As my friends arrived on time, they found the three best seats at the corner of the bar near the entrance. The waiter was super sufficient, and the food, especially the choice of three kinds of pasta we tried, was beyond words. Next to Arnie sat a gentleman in a suite; Kevin began the conversation by telling us how he manages his travels by flying through New York, especially to have dinner at this eatery. As our gourmet experience ended, Kevin recommended a club called Avenue on Tenth Avenue. Arnie and Elliot were too tired to join, so I happily agreed to accompany our new friend Kevin to the disco. 

As we arrived by taxi, the doormen told us we were more than one hour too early for the club's opening, so we diverged to the first bar along the same Avenue, at the Morimoto restaurant I had visited when it first opened. Kevin was delightful to talk to, and he dropped me home in a gentlemanly taxi.

Then came our trip to the Hamptons with Elliot. Next episode.

For now, London is calling. 

After quitting cigarettes and the high calories accumulated in the US, I went straight from Heathrow airport, landing myself into a Weight Watcher's Program on the Monday I arrived back home! WW seemed all about 'points'. As one lady said, "It's WW as opposed to AA".

I accompanied Ernest to a book signing on Tuesday evening at Gucci's Bond Street store. Derek Blasberg's latest book, 'Very Classy', is on how to be 'An Exceptional Modern Woman'. My friend invited me to one of the most delicious sushi I have ever tasted. Not quite in keeping with my Weight Watcher's points, but the food was irresistible.

Thursday, my wonderful friend Al was in town, and he had asked me to join him, Zaine and Kam, who were all in Mykonos. Later, we met in Hvar last summer for dinner at Montgomery's in Notting Hill. Their loving, friendly energy boosts my joy every time we meet.

Now, for Friday, it was dinner at Bar Boulud. Surprisingly, I had been called at the beginning of the week by an old friend, Jodi, who lived in London many years ago and then moved back to the US. We had lost touch some thirteen years prior. She had managed to find my mobile number and had called to ask if I could join her and her mum for dinner upon their visit here. It was such a pleasure seeing them again and sharing our history of more than a decade past.

As for Saturday... I left home at 13:00 hours to collect Ernest and Thorsten for a surprise brunch visit to Troy at his gastro pub. After those yummy cheeseburgers, I played a few rounds of backgammon with Torsten and Troy and smashed my way up to the top by winning every game. Sorry, boys, I just had to rub that in! haha

On Saturday evening, Pedro collected me before midnight to dance to Luciano's music at the O2. The club was previously known as Matter, which I had never managed to get to because it's soooo far away. They held a memorable night of Luciano DJaying till the early morning hours. At the VIP lounge, I had one of the best times, with plenty of familiar faces and warm hugs from more Mykonos party crowd to quite a few of my Fabric buddies. Plus, I managed to disappear into the smoking open area, where drinks were served, and other DJs played, to make more new friends. What a joyous time! From 1pm Saturday to 8am Sunday.

No need for a tunnel; when you see the light

Life is a journey of love and friendship from Manhattan to Greenwich, London. As Ernest beautifully put it: "We all love to love. What else is there in the end?!?"

The Manhatton Bash!

Franky: "Hey, Haldita, how's your life on the fun side?"
Me: "My life IS fun. Now, which side of fun do you mean?!"

How can New York not be fun, with all its offerings and the extra bonuses of having some of my great friends residing in this city? Just can't get better!
The first evening at Andrea's, after saying a brief hello at 9pm to her neighbouring friends having a dinner party, we went to the Dutch restaurant downtown to check out the hotties she had previously encountered on her last visit. Alas, we got there, and no cool dudes in sight. We had a lot of catching up to do anyway. We travelled to Venice and Edinburgh together in June last year, and there was much to discuss.

Friday, I walked through Central Park to the West side and down until my feet could no longer take it. The evening consisted of drinks at Arnie's for a handful of visitors coming from out of town (as in New York) to get better acquainted before his big birthday bash the following night. Elliot's appearance was half the size he used to be and absolutely delightful. I can only describe him as one of the finest characters, with charms like Cary Grant, who looks like Rock Hudson and an accent that can only bring out the best of his humour in an overstated manner. He also has a mind of his own!  
As he arrived, even later than me, first into the kitchen, we embraced each other after a long haul of not seeing each other as though it was only yesterday. We do keep in touch regularly over long telephone conversations. He lit a cigarette and told me his secret of losing all the weight almost effortlessly. He was an inspiration to watch. Then he recommended we move to the guestroom for a tiny spliff.
"Are you sure, Elliot?" I asked in doubt.
"Yes, Daaaarling. Of course, it's okay." He nodded and led me to the second room, which had magnificent views over the grandness of Queensboro Bridge.  
As we lit up, I noticed a red tramway named 'Roosevelt Island', full of people passing right below the entire frontage window.  
The scene could not have been more surreal... As of my life.  
At this moment, Arnie walked into the room in distress and said:
"Trust you guys to start this! There are official government people at this party."
"But what's wrong, Arnie?" Asked Elliot, surprised.  
And so, Arnie grabbed the joint from his hand and flushed it down the toilet in the en-suite bathroom.
"That's it," he claimed, "I'm flushing it down."
"But why?" Elliot rolled his eyes up in the air. "But no one told me!"
On that note, we moved into the living room to mingle with the guests.
As we left the party after 22:00, Elliot accompanied me to dinner at Rosa Mexicano, where they make guacamole on a tray at your table, accompanied by a pomegranate margarita.

Saturday, I yellow-cabbed my way down to the Gold Coast to meet up with Elliot for a round of Soho. We passed Washington Square and walked along the trendy shops under sunlight, sometimes hidden under the typical tall high rises. Went to some of the first innovators of the 'concept store' as in Kisan and lunched at the first restaurant we could find with open-air space to the outside and seats amongst the mad rush of the weekend shoppers. Just as we arrived inside, two people left by the open, airy entrance, and we sat there, dazzled by the crowd passing by and the breeze of that beautiful spring day New York offered. Wish I could remember what I had for lunch that day! No report.

Washington Square

New York's diverse facets

              

Before getting too comfortable after lunch, I had to bid Elliot farewell till later that evening and rush to our hair appointment with Andrea. Sooooooo, sex and the city! Haha. Once back at Andrea's, it was so much fun getting ready, over a glass of bubbly, for Arnie's party in the most girlie way possible. We managed to stumble down two blocks in our high heels to the 'salon' where it was held. I was wearing my daring Tina Turner dress, bought with Elliot in Vienna, in a sandy/brown colour, and my friend wore a slick New Yorker look in a black fitted skirt and cream top with a wrap-up leather belt. The Louboutins were a must.

The birthday bash was a total success. Although I was hardly drunk, the excitement of going through a good friend's past years in one night, with the accompaniment of his family and people he met along the way, some of whom had flown many a mile to help celebrate his life so far, made the evening fly by, as another great memory.
There was a surprise appearance, organised by his sister in charge of the event, by a drag queen singer and dance artist who had everyone watching in amazement at how her somersault in the air turned into the splits straight onto the floor! Super talented. The show ended with the song... New York, New York!
Andrea and I left under her umbrella in the pouring rain.

Sunday was rainy and cold. We got ready for brunch at the top of Barney's Store, where the hip hung out. Quite a few diners stopped at tables to say hi, as is usual for Sunday brunch. We eavesdropped on the girls talking and shopped a little in the open space. I bought my first skinny-leg trendy pants. Andrea left me in the heavy downfall at Madison's to continue my shopping chores.
That evening back at Andrea's, I passed out like a baby in front of the TV in my new, comfy tracksuit.  

And this was the first weekend coming to an end, and next... We will head on to the adventures that followed. Exciting stuff!

New York... New You

'Your task is not to seek love in the world, 
But to seek and find in yourself all the barriers you have built against it.'  
By Rumi. 
These words were handwritten on an A4 sheet of paper and left with me by Sofiya, whose inspiring yoga classes I miss from the boot camp.  

On my last night in London, while packing for my flight to the wonders of New York, thanks to Ernest's text, I actually put the TV on and watched the sale of Elizabeth Taylor jewels in an exquisite British production; it made me reflect upon the fascination of women over stones. Men are into their cars, and women are into their jewellery. However, these days, more and more women get picky with their vehicles. To date, I still cannot forget the blingiest, most extensive diamond bracelet I saw on the hand of an OTT (over-the-top) family at the Casanova Italian restaurant, sitting outside under a white tent supporting hanging chandeliers with Elliot as we went around Ukraine by train in Aug 2008; memories of Odesa made me super excited to be seeing Elliot again in his city of the domain, New Yummy York.

And here I am, in good old New York, well, come to think of it, not that old.
Despite many trips here, every experience raises new situations, memories, and friends. My main excuse for visiting the Big Apple this time has been Arnie's big birthday celebration on Saturday. We had initially met in St Thomas while I was married and used to spend two weeks in the winter there, visiting my sis Hala.
In fact, I met him at a party Hala had organised at Lady Diba's with Elliot, Tommy and his then-husband or partner Dan. After the dinner, Hala and I, with our male dominant entourage, left for the 'Love Shack', one of the few late-night bars on the island (Well, as late as bars in the Caribbean go). We could feel the drizzle of rain, through a warm breeze, on our bare arms as we got under the cover of this hut amid a parking lot, where the sound of music rose from.
And that was when Tommy took my hand straight onto the muddy dance floor and, after a few twirls, told me to 'dip'. His words still ring a bell in my ears as he kept repeating himself:
"Dip! Honey, dip!"
As he held my back with one hand and flipped his head forward and back to show me his notion of going back and forgetting the slender queen that my most amusing dance partner was, I took one leg off the floor. I leaned my head up, only to fall flat out on the ground of mixed rain and sand, in my cream trousers and lacy top, Tommy to follow on... On top of me! I only got up and continued dancing.
And hence, my wonderful friendship with Elliot and Arnie began as they held their hands to rescue me from the mud in the Love Shack.

My hostess for my time in New York is another darling friend I met through Arnie on a visit here when Hala and I stayed with him at a party he gave for us. Andrea and I connected immediately; since then, we have travelled many times together and shared many moments of laughter and further bonding.

My fun began at the airport, JFK. Certainly not in the one-and-a-half-hour queuing for passport control, but when I got to be 'controlled' by the hottest customs officer I had ever met. Could not resist but say: "Hi". With my eyelashes flipping and a confident smile. Booty boob ...  I love you, inspirational.
The officer looked down at my passport and was certainly not interested in my place of birth but my date of birth!  
He said: "Oh my! You certainly don't look your age. Really!"
I answered: "I know. I'm lucky that way!"
Just hoped he would not ask the secret of my youth, or I could not tell a customs officer the truth, could I?!? As in... 'Sex, drugs and rock & roll'? Not even for fun... Or can I?
Thank goodness he did not ask that but simply repeated himself again with the same comment.
The words took hold of me and came out as: "Let's just say I like to party."
Oh dear, is that a sound way of initially putting what would have popped out of my mouth? I party?! Haldita came to mind, for God's sake, but the customs officer continued and asked about the address I was staying at: "Is that a home or a hotel?"
I went on: "A friend's. I'm also blessed with great friends everywhere. In fact, I'm here for another friend's birthday party."
Well, he let me go before I could hand him my number! Haha. Just kiddin'; no telephone numbers.

When it came to checking out of the airport, the luggage inspector began speaking to me in Spanish, and I answered him in his language by telling him where I was born was far from South America. After more flirting, I entered New York on a very high note. Brilliant. My cab driver was from a Northern African country and, throughout the ride, told me his history of the three wives he had gone through; the first one being from his native home before moving to New York, the second one being a blond American and the third, a black American. Wow, I had heard of the land of opportunities but not quite in that diversity. Mustafa, my driver, was most entertaining but told me something disturbing. He said his daughter, a teenager at school here, had been shown an Iranian movie of how a woman was battered by her husband, who then organised her killing since she had asked to divorce him. But why? I asked Mustafa. Why would they show such a disturbing movie to teenagers at school here? Sadly, violence goes on all around the world. Why pinpoint a particular country? How many violent movies come on the screen in Hollywood, showing disturbing facts about people's lives in general.  American Beauty was a modern example of one for sure.
It is healthy to think all around, all the time. 

After dropping my suitcase off at Andrea's (as she was at work), my first visit was to Central Park. The light green leaves shone on a glorious afternoon, and the blossoms were whole. Families, New Yorkers, and tourists alike were out enjoying the beauty of spring in the city. Do I feel blessed? So, super lucky.
I got on Fifth Avenue to its first store on the right: Abercombie and Fitch. At the entrance, I stood still momentarily and watched young girls getting all excited, having their photos taken with those muscly, hot dudes, then being handed the Polaroid shot while they giggled. Did I want a shot? Nah... There are albums of hot dudes I have known going through my mind.  

My favourite boutique came next, Norma Kamali's. I was in New York and visited them first shortly after their opening off Fifth; I must say, decades ago! I am not ancient; I just have too many great memories! Haha.  Had a wonderful time in the store with the lovely Carmella, who helped me choose a couple of hot dresses for the summer.

 
Finally, I got home to be greeted entirely by my dear hostess, Andrea. It was a short-lived catch-up session as we had to get ready for dinner at the latest 'The Dutch' restaurant.


I can go on writing and writing... But right now, I have to go to Soho and meet up with Elliot. A little lingerie shopping on the way there, possibly at Bloomingdale's, would do, as it's close by for a rainy day. 

New York brings out a side of me... Which is New to me every time.
New York, New Me.

No rest for the wicked!

If paradise is a state of mind, I must be in heaven. Yet my feet have barely touched the ground since my last trip to Andalucia, and here I am packing again for my next trip to one of my all-time favourite destinations...

End of last week, past midday, I was walking in the hood (as in my neighbourhood, I love that expression) to meet Bradley for a Thai lunch at Suksan. The sun partially showed its face through the clouds, and I wore my 'Sophia Loren Prada simple yet figure-hugging navy dress and generally felt on top of the world, with my even more significant asset of a happy smile. My fellow pavement strollers, mostly in dark heavy coats, deep in their being, passed me by with barely a glance nor even a dry smile back. Since no one could dampen my warm state of mind, I continued to smile along my way to the eatery. A few swapped stares momentarily but shied away. Is smiling and walking at the same time so rare?
Would this kind of attitude be considered a public display of attention? Am I seeking attention? No. All I want is to see people smile, as happy as I feel, even if for a brief period. Life is a combination of details; to see the bigger picture, we must tune in to the tiny particles forming each cell. From thousands of those cells floating in different directions, a whole human being is created, and goodness, so much complexity goes into each of us.  
I'm not here to give you a science lesson as school was not one of my favourite pastimes! As I wrote in one of my blogs before, the only question I could come up with at a science lesson in boarding school from Mr Smith in his lecture on planets was:
"Mr Smith... Is my body heavenly?!"   
So, let's leave science to the scientists. There flies my mind... Again

Friday evening's invite to the Shepherds Bush members' club by Donna had to be declined as the Boot Camp seemed to have taken its toll on me. In any case, Donna was joining another friend, and my not turning up would not have made too much of an impact. Despite her teasing texts about the possibility of some hot dudes arriving at the event, I texted her back to say: 'I'm lying on the sofa honey, all pooped out from the boot camp, followed by the hot date, to add boxing with my trainer this morning, to my schedule. How old was I? 25? Haha. No dude would do that! Not tonight.'

Saturday was lunch with my Girl, a walk in the park and catching up on news of our busy lives. Dinner was with Conor, his latest date, and a charming childhood friend, Aaron, at Tendido Cero's great tapas. It was such a pleasure getting acquainted with Aaron, who recently moved to London and hearing him speak so fondly of his girlfriend, whom I will no doubt get to meet one day. We then proceeded to L'Etranger's new basement club, which was not busy but fun.
Although I had every intention of getting to Fabric to hear Marco Carola play, my attempts to change when I got home at 2:00am could have been better, so I stayed home.  
I thought, 'The woman is human, after all'. The chilly winter night did not help, so I slept.

I missed seeing some friends the night before, but sleeping also has benefits. On Sunday, I received a text from Soraya and Mazin, who were visiting for a lunch get-together. At Kateh's Persian restaurant, we were joined by Aisha and her superb girls for a delightful meal 'en famille'. It joys me to feel their love and friendship, my extended family.

Sunday dinner was with my Boy. I may keep repeating myself, but my kids give me the biggest reason to be happy to be alive. At the dinner at Itsu, my Boy asked to leave before I settled our bill after finishing our sushi. He said he would explain later; I looked around the seated clientele at the conveyor belt to find a shred of evidence as to why he left so abruptly but saw no reason for his strange dismissal. So, when I finally paid and went to meet him by the car, he pointed at the red marks on his light grey jumper and said:
"See, Mum, the little boy sitting next to me was happily squeezing on the pomegranate pieces and throwing the juice my way without noticing."
"Well, you should have mentioned it to him,"  I said with a confident motherly attitude.
"No,"  My Boy explained, "That's why I left quickly, so he won't get embarrassed and that his mother doesn't tell him off for something he didn't mean to do. That would spoil their dinner!"
I stood aside, watching my Boy with pride and amazement and told him:
"What a gentle soul you are. That was beautiful, what you did."
These acts of kindness and humanity are priceless. Try to be kind to someone every day, and you will be rewarded with a love that eventually makes you who you are. You are special.

As I was dropping my Boy off, my mobile rang. Who was it? It was the deliciously bright Lawrence. I could not resist answering even though I was driving:
"Hello Gorgeous,"  I said.
"Haldita, que bonita,"  Was my friend's delightful greeting. "Come and join us in the Polo bar at Westbury."
It was hard to resist an offer, so an early night in escaped. A party continued arriving at different times at Hessa's until late into the night when a neighbour rang the bell to complain about the noise. Oh! Oh!
One of the party guests picked up the entryphone, told the man he had the wrong apartment and hung up. As humourous as I found the situation, I took the matter at hand (being used to a similar case recently at mine) and apologized to the neighbour as gracefully as possible. However, the party ended. Seeing Aida there and catching up with her was great, plus an introduction to lovely Sirena on the night brought a fabulous end to my week.
And I thought it was going to be a calm weekend!  

After my facial, I visited the Book Fair in Earls Court on Monday afternoon. I did not know what I was looking for, but I walked around the publishers' exhibits with many serious faces and talked to a receptionist at one of the more extensive stands carrying a big name. I asked her how to publish a book, and she explained how I would need an agent to represent me.  
'An agent?'  I first thought to myself, 'As in Hollywood agent?' But then it made sense.  
A couple of hours later, I left the exhibition hall no wiser than I had walked in, and the entrance fee was not cheap at £45. But hey, you win some, and you... You probably need to beat others! Haha. In the yearly cash flow, put it down as experience.

And as for Tuesday, being today, one lunch was cancelled, and after a text for another proposal to Ernest, he agreed for us to meet at E&O.  I had to put on my Parisian heels of khaki swede open boots, as the sun shone after the rain, before I left my flat, with a swede skirt and a fitted top. Dressing up makes me feel like a woman, and that's always been my 'thing'.
After a beautiful lunch of half the menu in great company, Ernest and I met Kelly at her refreshments chalet in Roundwood Park. As I exited his car, I noticed my attire of high heels, a mini-ish skirt and the general 'lady who lunches' look, walking into a park. Turned towards Ernest and remarked:
"And this is how Haldita goes to the park. Classic!"  We laughed.
There was a statue of a slender woman throwing her arms up in gratitude. As we walked towards the sculpture on the grass, my heels got stuck in the mud, and Ernest had to hold my arm so I didn't fall off my face. Not a good look.

We met in the enchanting cafe with Kelly and Sabrina for the yummiest homemade chocolate cake. I told them about my experiences at the spa, which was a boot camp, and we giggled the afternoon away. 
Shortly after I got home tonight, Shane rang the bell to see me before I flew away as he was about to leave London to live abroad for the next three months. Our spiritual conversations are always enlightening. I was telling him:
"As humans, we seem to need proof and to see things to believe them, and it's only through talking with like-minded people that we realize we're not alone in craving joy by letting ourselves go in the flow of the universe and following the signs to finding our true paths."

On that note, I came across this writing and had to make note of it. It read:
'Happiness is a sunbeam which may pass through a thousand bosoms without losing a particle of its original ray'.

Confessions of a Prima Donna

Life is a bowl of cherries, an orange tree full of blossoms, or a field of poppies.  
It is what we make it out to be.

What I thought was a simple spa turned out to be a boot camp holiday!
The last time I attended a trip was in Klagenfurt with Shiba after modelling in Vienna. But the exercise was left entirely up to us as the diet was so minimal, ranging from a stale piece of cardboard (I think they called it bread!) to a boiled potato and egg, sometimes a tiny piece of cheese, so upon my return home then, I got sick from malnutrition, can you believe? It complements my 'model' state of being; I have never been skinny or desire to be so. Very proud of my womanly, voluptuous body.

Thanks to Juliette's persistence, I booked the 'spa' holiday without investigating what it involved, apart from what she had told me: yoga, healthy food, two massages, no alcohol and a pool, with a hope of sunshine. It sounded good enough for me to make my reservation. 
When I let myself go with the flow without too much thought, it is incredible where I end up, whether on holiday or in life. I spent 6 days and relatively 'early' nights with a group of twenty ladies (apart from a couple) who had gathered, leaving their families or jobs back home, to commence a new way of living at this spa. It was a boot camp, or so the ladies had Facebooked during their stay.

Now, what did the six days do for me?
On my last day in the countryside, before leaving, talking to Bes and Ama, some force gave me the strength to decide to stop smoking. Just like that! I had always said if I ever got a smoker's cough, that would mean I must quit the habit and somehow, with the effect of the Philosopher's Stone, brought a specific power to make that change. No need for patches, with the confirmation of how the universe works for you when you choose to live with a positive attitude and acceptance that unfortunate incidents may well happen along the way, but it will be as problematic as you decide to make it out or there is the choice to come up with solutions, knowing life is not a bed of roses, there are thorns along the way and how boring would it all be if everything went smoothly all the time! The power of mind over matter sounds enticing to me.

Thinking along the way, I used to have most of my cigarettes in 3 to 5 while I wrote my blogs, and I kept stopping to look for something else to do while writing. Then I remembered, oh! It's the damn ciggie. Well, done with that. Thou shalt not smoke. 

We flew to Malaga airport, a very familiar scene since we spent many summer holidays of a month or two weeks in Marbella some fifteen years ago. Goodness, how time flies. Has it yet to reach anywhere? Haha. Where does time want to go as birds fly to reach a destination? Eternity, I presume.
How I lose track of what I begin to write is puzzling, too. Just shows how the mind drifts. So, getting back to Malaga airport, the in-spa team gathered a group of ladies flown in from various European countries to take the hour forty minutes bus journey to where we stayed: Monasteria de San Martin. Thought to myself, 'Well, I sure ain't going to no confessions here at the monastery' as religion is not one of my favourite subjects; I'm a God believer. Faith has been the most significant asset I have carried with me everywhere, through thick and thin. In all honesty, if it had not been for my big belief in God and his love, I could not have dealt with the hardships I endured, to come out of it a much healthier mind and body and a happier person than I could imagine possible. Just keep learning and moving on, holding tight onto the happiness gathered along the way because when I honestly found it, there was no letting go. Just working constantly to keep it going as a smooth engine.  
Happiness is the utmost.

I could not help but have a strong feeling of being in boarding school again; although we did not sing hymns and carols twice a day, we had been handed a timetable of appointments throughout the days to follow. As in school, meals were served sharply on time, the ladies who had come alone found playmates by the end of the week, and the duos kept together. Observing how specific human patterns stay the same given that same situation at different ages was interesting. Juliette was joined by a friend from another city, which meant I had my own room and space for another discovery of the self. Generally, whenever I question anybody's manner of conduct, I hold on to those thoughts and reverse the situation by asking my own ways and reasons for allowing myself to doubt anyone's behaviour.
As Francois, my excellent therapist, used to say, 'Everyone has their own map of the world, and it differs, so don't judge, as you can only see things through your map.'

I  had to get away one night during my stay to be picked up by Adelio, whom I met a couple of years ago on my last visit to Marbella. He picked me up at 10pm and drove to the nearest Puerto Sotogrande, where I broke my fast with a small bottle of bubbly. Breaking the rules is a bad habit I picked up at boarding school!  
We sat at the bar of a restaurant in the port for Adelio to order his tapas while I sipped at my champagne when I noticed a group of locals singing and dancing outside. As I turned to watch in enthusiasm, a Spanish man stared at me from behind the glass wall with a naughty, welcoming smile. I smiled back and turned around to hear Adelio's boasting of all the women interested in him. When he went to the gents, the Spanish man entered the restaurant and approached me to ask if I would join them dancing, first in his native language, then in English. I said it would be a pleasure, but I would have to wait for my friend to return from the toilets before we did.
So, when Adelio returned, I asked if he did not mind us joining the gathering outside.
He answered: "No. They might not like it. They seem to know each other."
I said: "But we've been invited to do so."
Adelio was taken aback: "You're joking, right?"
I felt he would not believe me: "Really, the guy just asked me so."
He was stunned: "What guy?"
Anyway, we ended up uniting the jolly group of locals, and I got to meet the Spanish man's girlfriend, sharing a slice of their joy.   
What amused me the next day back at the Monasteria were the ladies coming up to me and asking how my date went or whether I broke my fast in any way. 

My idea of a boot camp was harsh. Still, this modern version of a monastery hotel, with the scent of orange blossoms filling up the air of the fountained courtyard, large-sized, airy rooms with duplicates of mostly Spanish paintings, and an outdoor pool in the green grounds, was the perfect place to totally get away from the city's noisy life. Mornings began with walks (as I don't jog, nor do I run) or yoga, followed by X training, two weekly massages and two long hikes around the Andalucian countryside. Although I had told myself to take it easy and, as always, not to lose the element of 'fun' in what I do, it was such a pleasure to attend every planned class noted in my personal timetable with the expertise of a staff of high calibre.  

Our yoga instructor, Sofiya was a great teacher and each class differed to the one before, the day always ended with a restorative yoga lesson which I enjoyed immensely. On the last day, when we finished the class with a deep meditation, I got lost in time and found myself crying at the end of the session when the husband of the lovely couple patted me on the back with a comforting smile to say the class had ended, it brought me back to earth on how helplessly I had sobbed in owe, with gratitude for the life I am leading.

The two male trainers gave you that air of confidence and non-judgement about the level you went by and made the classes under the April sun challenging yet fun. We were put in groups of two, especially in Danny's one-off dance class, to move around and change partners after each move was completed. He practised with the tall, charming, sweet Toby as his dance partner. Everyone laughed and smiled; all of us ladies holding hands and dancing together reminded me of my mother's teenage album of black and white pictures of girls dancing slowly together, holding hands. Well, we did not have dance classes as such in boarding school, and I don't believe I had practised it as before, but it was great fun, and I enjoyed the company of the ladies all the way through to the end. It also made me reflect on how shy I used to be, as when we had a boys' school visit, I do not remember ever dancing with a boy. Oh! How we change. Thank God for that.

We had one 'lesson' with the knowledgeable nutritionist Lucille, who supervised our meals with great love and care. Lucille abruptly asked me of my date of birth at lunch as we were chatting, only to find out her dear sister, who had recently passed away, had the same birthday as me. I offered my hand of sisterhood to her from all my heart, such a gentle soul. Oh! And I must not forget to mention the very open-minded and cute hiking guide Jiddu, who looked like a Hollywood kind of action man, with a bright young mind and the sunniest of smiles, plus a great attitude towards life and his wisdom. It was an absolute pleasure to chat with him on our last three and a half hours of VIP hike (as four of us decided to take the less steep hills) to get to the top of the peak in Mirador del Castillon.

The peak at Castillon

Childhood memories of poppies

The chef, who carried a shy smile every time she entered the dining room to announce the menu,  was so caring that on my last day, as I left a day earlier than the rest, I made myself a special healthy lunch box for my plane ride. The smiliest waiter, Carlos, was sharp and looked after us all with such attention to detail. And to top it off, Hallie was in charge of the organisation, and something was reassuring about her professional ways. She reminded me of American high school movies, especially the stunning cheerleaders with the perfect smile, hair, attitude, and a good brain on her shoulders. Her heartwarming text to me as I left early on a Tuesday morning brought tears to my eyes in the lonely cab drive back to Malaga airport. I cry at absolutely everything and anything that touches my heart.

All the exercise and healthy living, with the help of a few hours of spring sun absorption, brought a fresh glow to my face and an excellent tone to my body, getting me ready for my first evening back home, starting with a scorching date with Don Juan at one of my favourite London restaurants. You did not think that the four walls of a monastery would keep me from getting down to some naughty mischief elsewhere. Did you know?
Even though I learned from the receptionist on my last night that this monastery was built not long ago for hotel purposes, the thought counts. The place became a sacred memory of my days getting closer to the woman I grew to be; it was most empowering.

As for my chilly, hot date with Don Juan upon return, he blew me away with the liberty of his mind, combined ... Well, with all the rest of him. My detoxing days turned toxic in one night!

A delicious week, diviner than divine.

Numb in Nature!

Writing is a painting of words, brought to the reader's imagination to transform the picture in 

their mind into words.

The drive to Dorking last Wednesday was as pleasant as the sunny day that accompanied it. Soltan and Tuba joined me on the drive, mainly through the country roads, filled with trees bearing the green buds ready to burst into full spring. We were visiting Soltan's college buddy Hansel and his new family. Midday began with a pub lunch outdoors, sitting on benches in the garden under the sun's warmth shining in full swing above us. The green fields, lit up by the yellow bed of flowers on one side, were bright and golden. 

After the cheeseburgers were consumed, we followed Hansel in the car to drive up to Denbies Wine Estate, the largest single-estate vineyard in the UK. It was surprising to find out such vast vineyards existed only half an hour from London. We walked through the land, yet to bloom, as only empty branches were in sight. The drive back with the roof down, without feeling chilly, simply added to the day's flavour in the countryside. I let my hair loose to feel the oxygen in the air. Aaaah! 'A la campagne' as the French would say.

I rushed back to London to drop Soltan and Tuba home, then to St Peter's Church in Eaton Square for a 6:30pm 'evening with Robert Lacey'; the royal biographer, on his latest book 'A Brief Life of The Queen'. As I walked in, with a hippie-smart look of jeans, a long shirt, waistcoat and my Bali Buddha necklace, in a hall filled with a dressed-up crowd, I bumped into Alan and Deena, whom I had known for years and often met at dinners at Lady Saba's. It's funny how I enjoy going to most places alone, but I'm never alone! Brilliant.  

The proceeds from the night were to be donated to a centre for children with autism. I first met a mother with an autistic child in Gouna, Egypt. To whose house were we invited for dinner by the pool beside the river Nile? The lady in question was as hospitable to Hala and me as we were old family friends. Her love for her son was ...  Beautiful is the only word I can use to watch. It is hard to explain when, as mothers, we feel a helpless love beyond any other towards our offspring. Her special care and compassion almost made me shed tears.  

Back to the talk... I bought a book by the author at the back of the church, then proceeded to the front to notice Robert Lacey sitting on a church bench. I approached him and asked if he would sign my book.  
"But of course," Robert greeted me and, without a second glance, took the book at hand to autograph. At this stage, he looked up, rather shyly, as our eyes barely met and said:  "Whom to?"
I spelt my name, and as he got writing... 'for Haldita with'.  
I cheekily said: "Darling."
He looked up, puzzled.  
My explanation was: "Sir, you forgot to put Darling. As in Haldita Darling."
He smiled as I continued: "I'll be soooo disappointed if you don't add darling for me."
After almost losing track of what he was about to write, I added:
"Oh! I'm sorry, I seem to have got you lost."
He seemed instead taken by my remark and happily added 'Darling' to the autograph.

Picture of the Queen from the book

Robert Lacey

When I returned to Alan and Deena, they introduced me to their friend and asked:
"So, Haldita, did you get your book signed?"
And when I mentioned how Deena questioned:
"You didn't?"
"Yep, I certainly did," I answered.
Alan then laughed and said: "Haldita gets what she wants!"

The rest of the week was dedicated to family affairs until Saturday, the due date for Soltan and Tuba to return home. Driving them to Heathrow was a mixed feeling of melancholy, as they would be missed dearly, and joy, as I got the chance to spend precious, quality time with them, for which I felt grateful.  

The airport was on the way to my next destination, another side of the glorious British countryside where my friends Bes and Ama temporarily resided. Their friends Horus and Sam joined soon after I arrived to indulge in another session of the Philosopher's Stone. Oh! PS I do love you.

This Mexican truffle, searched underground to flourish overground at our disposal to be consumed in a nutty flavour, was chewed in small doses for another voyage of discovery deep into our souls. As Bes mentioned, the experience differs every time. As opposed to the numbness I felt throughout my body last time, to allow me through a journey into space, this time round, I got lost in the beauty of nature as we took a walk in a cloudy and not-so-warm afternoon by the river. In fact, this time, I could not stop talking. The concise vision of the snakes I had before leaving for our stroll was of many black snakes dancing in harmony vertically in front of my eyes; pleasant as it was, it got rid of any fear of snakes I ever felt before. But I let go of the image and opened my eyes in disbelief before the face of a cobra appeared, staring at me. Don't get me wrong, there was nothing unpleasant in the vision I had.  

                          

 

There were plenty of deep discussions on human behaviour, the awakening of the Kundalini and especially the teaching of Buddha, Jesus and Prophet Mohammad, the temptations they faced to reach higher strength, and their philosophy on life. All in a spiritual sense. The effect of media on the masses and how happy it makes me to know I have not watched news or TV (except movies at times) nor read any newspapers in the last twelve years. It leaves space to think more productively and positively and act compassionately instead of feeling helpless and angry towards ignorance.
Imagine there is so much knowledge and wisdom to learn from for a happier being, and yet, some waste all this incredible energy by indulging in the darkness of gossip or self-pity.  
At midnight, apart from Bes, Ama and myself, everyone left to hear Paul van Dyk DJ in Brixton, one hour away.  
So, the three of us continued talking and fell asleep at the break of dawn. Before heading to sleep, Ama started telling me how smoking pot clouds one's vision in the spiritual world. So I enquired whether smoking cigarettes affected it too, and he replied yes. I was about to put my cigarette out. Did not realise that would be my last one. After a brief silence, I said:

"This cigarette I'm putting out shall be my last one!"

And that is how I gave up smoking cigarettes cold turkey, as they say. 

After another enchanting stroll alongside the river Thames on Sunday, I packed my bag and returned to London for dinner with my Boy.

The last two days were spent catching up over a late lunch outdoors at Duke of York's with Aisha, Kristel, Risha and Aida, who had just returned from a trip. Sex and the City girls met up!
A tall, mature, good-looking stranger passed by, staring at me and smiling every time I looked as he passed by. Is it my smile which reads 'naughty'? I wondered.
It was an enchanting afternoon. Discussing a summer trip together and coming up with a wedding celebration excited us all.

Jane and I met at the Groucho Club in Soho for a drink in the afternoon before heading to Notting Hill for dinner. She introduced her boyfriend Russ and housemates Athan and Claudia, who will soon leave London to live abroad. An interesting conversation followed about the age of spirituality awakening deepening in a world desperate for peace, revolutions and their effect on people erupting in anger towards governments run by dictators, and each of our experiences travelling to different parts of the world and the wisdom it had brought us.

Oh Dear! It seems my life is moving from 'Sex' right into the 'City'!
I only have a few hours of sleep before my flight to a spa tomorrow. A girl needs a rest with such a heavy schedule, you know.