After three and a half years of therapy, many more workshops and the full benefit of spending a few minutes of meditation every morning or whenever time allowed, I managed to break free of a 20-year marriage by mutual agreement with my husband.
This was when I moved into my apartment in a trendy area of the great city of London and let my new life begin.
And with that, I realised for the first time that FREEDOM is everything; it is LIFE.
When you free yourself of all the many commandments and rules that everyone and everything has shaped the person you have become, the moment you realise this, ... is when you truly begin to live.
All those sessions with the therapist asking me to repeat: "I am Special" were paying off.
Unless I love and accept myself truly for the woman I am, it will not be easy to love and accept those around me. If I question myself then how could I not be questioning others close to me? It is easier to read and write these words than, to put them fully into practice.
We have learnt from a young age, starting with our loving parents, to correct the things we say and do. I love babies and animals. They are truthful in their reactions to you as they have not been polluted with what has been dictated to them by 'the grown-ups'.
This is honest.
Barbie and Ken dolls are not real. They are manufactured in factories. We all love and admire beauty, that is a fact. But we can also be oblivious to it, depending on our mood.
Sitting in a fancy bar with a couple of girlfriends one evening a beautiful, tall, slim girl made her way to the door close to our table. My friend who like myself had spent most of her life worrying about weight control, made a comment as she passed by: "Lucky girl", she said.
I turned around and asked her: "Is she? She may be tall, gorgeous and definitely skinny. But ... is she happy?"
I was married for twenty years and in all those years, I never looked at another man in any way other than as a friend. Mind you, even such friendship would be judged harshly. If I were seen to talk too much to any man, my husband would accuse me of sleeping with him. Basically, no male friends for me except on a superficial level. Even fun female friends were not allowed! Unless I wanted to deal with the unpredictable and volcanic-like eruptions of my husband's anger.
Looking back now ... I spent much of my life trying to prove myself to others who themselves, were driven by their own insecurities. That period was to end. A new beginning with a new life on my own. How precious is that!
I designed my new flat and moved in two months after that mutual separation agreement.
An end to an era and a new start to a life of non-judgement. Brilliant.
A chance to put those years behind me and throw myself into new pastures, making new friends and truly living life.
Starting a new life in my early forties was so exciting. After six months of this, everyone who saw me would comment on how I looked 10 to 15 years younger - without any help from surgery or Botox. Freedom of mind and spirit had been my treatment. When you are happy within, loving and kind, this seems to attract many people - whose paths I crossed as they crossed mine.
I started going out, living it up to make up for all those years of insecurity that I had felt inside. Going out, meeting people constantly. The London club scene became an exciting way of dancing the nights away and opening my eyes to a whole new way of being.
My sister Hala, one year younger than me, had spent all her time travelling like a gipsy and enjoying the high life. She was about to leave for some sunny island to spend the winter far away. So her sisterly advice to me was:
"Sis, you cannot be too fussy with your choice of men. After all, you're twenty years older than when you were last single and you won't meet anyone with that kind of attitude." She went on: "My advice to you is ... firstly of all, get yourself a dildo".
I interrupted her and had to ask: "What's that exactly?"
She burst into laughter and said: "You have been away quite some time!" and went on to explain the usage of a dildo to me which was alien. "And start dating through Encounters in the Sunday papers."
She went on her travels and left me puzzled as to how to get myself one of those! There was no way I could go into a sex shop as I had literally never been in one before! So I ordered the latest lingerie magazine, saw a few 'designer' dildos in different forms and bought the most expensive one called 'The Bone'. It looked more like a shoe tree at both ends in an almost black colour. That way, I thought, if my kids were to come across it in my bedside drawer, they will never know. So I paid the sum of £200 and ordered the Bone!
The product arrived some days later with instructions to charge it. Simple. So I left it charging in a drawer next to my bed and forgot about it. A couple of days later, I suddenly remembered to go and check on my new toy. To my horror, the hard, stone-like bone had over-charged, melting along one side!! Greaaaat. I could not stop laughing at myself.
Meanwhile, I called my sister, now overseas and when she enquired about the dildo, I informed her of my purchase at which she was shocked at the price I had paid.
"But I had no idea they're less than £30! You didn't mention that to me!" I said innocently. "Besides, I've managed to damage it!"
"You did what?" she continued laughing.
"Well ....", I explained the situation.
"Sis, you don't do anything by half measures, do you?" Hala went on.
The next move was to call the company which had supplied the goods ... or not so good.
The lady who picked up the call asked how she could help: "Hello, you know the bone in your catalogue?"
"Yes," answered the lady calmly.
"It came in the post a few days ago and I've managed to break it!" Before I realised it, the words had popped out of my mouth.
The receptionist could barely hide her shock at the other end of the line.
So I had to give her more details before she made the wrong assumption.
"Well, I think I must have over-charged it and it has almost melted in one side."
God knows what could have gone through her mind as she arranged for the product to be collected and a new one sent out.
It never really made sense to me, how anyone could get excited over a hard piece of architectural, stone-feeling, two-sided shoe tree in black! Then again, I was not to judge. That 'dildo' is still sitting under a pile of clothes in its box and to this day, has never been used.
Hala's next piece of sisterly advice follows ... Newspaper dating!
This was when I moved into my apartment in a trendy area of the great city of London and let my new life begin.
And with that, I realised for the first time that FREEDOM is everything; it is LIFE.
When you free yourself of all the many commandments and rules that everyone and everything has shaped the person you have become, the moment you realise this, ... is when you truly begin to live.
All those sessions with the therapist asking me to repeat: "I am Special" were paying off.
Unless I love and accept myself truly for the woman I am, it will not be easy to love and accept those around me. If I question myself then how could I not be questioning others close to me? It is easier to read and write these words than, to put them fully into practice.
We have learnt from a young age, starting with our loving parents, to correct the things we say and do. I love babies and animals. They are truthful in their reactions to you as they have not been polluted with what has been dictated to them by 'the grown-ups'.
This is honest.
Barbie and Ken dolls are not real. They are manufactured in factories. We all love and admire beauty, that is a fact. But we can also be oblivious to it, depending on our mood.
Sitting in a fancy bar with a couple of girlfriends one evening a beautiful, tall, slim girl made her way to the door close to our table. My friend who like myself had spent most of her life worrying about weight control, made a comment as she passed by: "Lucky girl", she said.
I turned around and asked her: "Is she? She may be tall, gorgeous and definitely skinny. But ... is she happy?"
I was married for twenty years and in all those years, I never looked at another man in any way other than as a friend. Mind you, even such friendship would be judged harshly. If I were seen to talk too much to any man, my husband would accuse me of sleeping with him. Basically, no male friends for me except on a superficial level. Even fun female friends were not allowed! Unless I wanted to deal with the unpredictable and volcanic-like eruptions of my husband's anger.
Looking back now ... I spent much of my life trying to prove myself to others who themselves, were driven by their own insecurities. That period was to end. A new beginning with a new life on my own. How precious is that!
I designed my new flat and moved in two months after that mutual separation agreement.
An end to an era and a new start to a life of non-judgement. Brilliant.
A chance to put those years behind me and throw myself into new pastures, making new friends and truly living life.
Starting a new life in my early forties was so exciting. After six months of this, everyone who saw me would comment on how I looked 10 to 15 years younger - without any help from surgery or Botox. Freedom of mind and spirit had been my treatment. When you are happy within, loving and kind, this seems to attract many people - whose paths I crossed as they crossed mine.
I started going out, living it up to make up for all those years of insecurity that I had felt inside. Going out, meeting people constantly. The London club scene became an exciting way of dancing the nights away and opening my eyes to a whole new way of being.
My sister Hala, one year younger than me, had spent all her time travelling like a gipsy and enjoying the high life. She was about to leave for some sunny island to spend the winter far away. So her sisterly advice to me was:
"Sis, you cannot be too fussy with your choice of men. After all, you're twenty years older than when you were last single and you won't meet anyone with that kind of attitude." She went on: "My advice to you is ... firstly of all, get yourself a dildo".
I interrupted her and had to ask: "What's that exactly?"
She burst into laughter and said: "You have been away quite some time!" and went on to explain the usage of a dildo to me which was alien. "And start dating through Encounters in the Sunday papers."
She went on her travels and left me puzzled as to how to get myself one of those! There was no way I could go into a sex shop as I had literally never been in one before! So I ordered the latest lingerie magazine, saw a few 'designer' dildos in different forms and bought the most expensive one called 'The Bone'. It looked more like a shoe tree at both ends in an almost black colour. That way, I thought, if my kids were to come across it in my bedside drawer, they will never know. So I paid the sum of £200 and ordered the Bone!
The product arrived some days later with instructions to charge it. Simple. So I left it charging in a drawer next to my bed and forgot about it. A couple of days later, I suddenly remembered to go and check on my new toy. To my horror, the hard, stone-like bone had over-charged, melting along one side!! Greaaaat. I could not stop laughing at myself.
Meanwhile, I called my sister, now overseas and when she enquired about the dildo, I informed her of my purchase at which she was shocked at the price I had paid.
"But I had no idea they're less than £30! You didn't mention that to me!" I said innocently. "Besides, I've managed to damage it!"
"You did what?" she continued laughing.
"Well ....", I explained the situation.
"Sis, you don't do anything by half measures, do you?" Hala went on.
The next move was to call the company which had supplied the goods ... or not so good.
The lady who picked up the call asked how she could help: "Hello, you know the bone in your catalogue?"
"Yes," answered the lady calmly.
"It came in the post a few days ago and I've managed to break it!" Before I realised it, the words had popped out of my mouth.
The receptionist could barely hide her shock at the other end of the line.
So I had to give her more details before she made the wrong assumption.
"Well, I think I must have over-charged it and it has almost melted in one side."
God knows what could have gone through her mind as she arranged for the product to be collected and a new one sent out.
It never really made sense to me, how anyone could get excited over a hard piece of architectural, stone-feeling, two-sided shoe tree in black! Then again, I was not to judge. That 'dildo' is still sitting under a pile of clothes in its box and to this day, has never been used.
Hala's next piece of sisterly advice follows ... Newspaper dating!
No comments:
Post a Comment