As I write this, I'm realising a lot of things.
After all this time wanting to write, what had been stopping me before?
The answers are all coming to me. In life, timing is the most essential factor for us in order to evolve in the true sense. We ask questions like "Why are so many people suffering in this world?" and "Why is life so unfair?" And most of the time, the answers are not always right in front of us.
It may sound 'unfair' at times... It is not. But we have to grasp the reality of each of our lives as it comes.
We have to learn to take responsibility for our lives and the outcomes of our actions. That is all we can do. Hopefully, with each choice, we can bring happiness, however large or small, to ourselves and the people around us.
I was told Ramadan has started and it was no surprise when my friend Robby and I found ourselves chatting. Yet another long telephone conversation! Going through a confessional moment, I said: "You know what I've decided to do starting today? I only wish to speak well of people and that is everyone. Unless there's something loving to be said, there shall be nothing else to say. It's so much lighter on the conscience and such a good feeling inside when you remember someone with good thoughts and deeds. The rest is irrelevant."
Robby then mentioned that apparently, this is the custom during Ramadan. You fast not only with your food but with your thoughts and words as well. How appropriate that this should be an everyday ritual for as long as we live. It is like when I am having a good time, people have asked if it was my birthday. This has happened on several occasions. My answer is: "Darling, every day is my birthday, Valentine's Day and New Year!"
It has now become clear to me why it took so long to put my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop (or as we would have said "pen on paper", years before the computer age!) and write what has been going through my mind and all the learning, life has taught me. This is not about making anyone wrong. We all behave in different ways when faced with difficult situations. How could I know myself completely when I truly had no idea how I would respond to a situation beyond my control or experience?
I am now in good relations with my Ex. Forgive and let the past swiftly be taken away with the flow of the river. Let go of the baggage and let your spirit free, your hair down and go with the flow. With the excitement of all those heavy burdens placed aside, positive and happy thoughts can flow. See how liberating that is? Take a long walk in a park... in the woods, the mountains or a beach and think 'real'. Look up at the vast sky above with its offering of infinite blue; the sun, moon and clouds; and its every mood. Feel God around you or any wonderful feeling you have, please. Smile and say "Thank you!"
After all this time wanting to write, what had been stopping me before?
The answers are all coming to me. In life, timing is the most essential factor for us in order to evolve in the true sense. We ask questions like "Why are so many people suffering in this world?" and "Why is life so unfair?" And most of the time, the answers are not always right in front of us.
It may sound 'unfair' at times... It is not. But we have to grasp the reality of each of our lives as it comes.
We have to learn to take responsibility for our lives and the outcomes of our actions. That is all we can do. Hopefully, with each choice, we can bring happiness, however large or small, to ourselves and the people around us.
I was told Ramadan has started and it was no surprise when my friend Robby and I found ourselves chatting. Yet another long telephone conversation! Going through a confessional moment, I said: "You know what I've decided to do starting today? I only wish to speak well of people and that is everyone. Unless there's something loving to be said, there shall be nothing else to say. It's so much lighter on the conscience and such a good feeling inside when you remember someone with good thoughts and deeds. The rest is irrelevant."
Robby then mentioned that apparently, this is the custom during Ramadan. You fast not only with your food but with your thoughts and words as well. How appropriate that this should be an everyday ritual for as long as we live. It is like when I am having a good time, people have asked if it was my birthday. This has happened on several occasions. My answer is: "Darling, every day is my birthday, Valentine's Day and New Year!"
It has now become clear to me why it took so long to put my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop (or as we would have said "pen on paper", years before the computer age!) and write what has been going through my mind and all the learning, life has taught me. This is not about making anyone wrong. We all behave in different ways when faced with difficult situations. How could I know myself completely when I truly had no idea how I would respond to a situation beyond my control or experience?
I am now in good relations with my Ex. Forgive and let the past swiftly be taken away with the flow of the river. Let go of the baggage and let your spirit free, your hair down and go with the flow. With the excitement of all those heavy burdens placed aside, positive and happy thoughts can flow. See how liberating that is? Take a long walk in a park... in the woods, the mountains or a beach and think 'real'. Look up at the vast sky above with its offering of infinite blue; the sun, moon and clouds; and its every mood. Feel God around you or any wonderful feeling you have, please. Smile and say "Thank you!"
Be grateful for what you have today, now, rather than the things that might make you happy one day... if...
My Ex happens to be a good man, a great father and will always be in my prayers so I write about him with love and respect. Just because two people cannot get along living together - which, let's face it is not an easy task - does not make either of them bad.
After separation...
Shortly, to be exact about four months afterwards, I was out again with Hala at a private club where we met up with a French lady called Louisa. She reminded me of a white Grace Jones both in physique and voice. It was then I also realised how, in years to come, I would love strong women who took charge of their destiny and could not care less what anyone said about them. So Grace Jones had always been an idol to me. Anyway, Louisa was meeting her friend Adam who was a tall, handsome Anglo-African. We started talking and all decided to go to another new private bar, which had just opened close to Piccadilly. We all left in a cab and met with Steve; Adam's friend. Steve was English, not very tall, nor the type you would automatically get drawn to. They talked amongst themselves while we went to check out the other rooms at this new place.
Since there was no music and we were accustomed to ending the night dancing, we decided to leave.
Steve, who did not seem to have noticed us before, offered to take us to yet another venue, with music!
So, another taxi ride to Park Lane and we got in to dance. As I was standing by the bar, he joined me and started talking... I was not sure if he was chatting me up or being friendly. It was getting late and we wanted to leave when Steve asked for my mobile number and gave me his. Earlier, I had rushed to meet Hala at the bar, still wearing my work dress. There had been no chance to change into anything else as we had not stopped. Beneath that long-flowing Parisian dress, I had on my waste-to-knee girdle to keep the tummy and bottom firmly in check... Boy, was that a 'Bridge Jones' diary moment (where she was wearing that black heavy panty!). And Steve seven years my junior had got closer to me by the minute and was caressing me all the way down my back while talking to me. And all I could think of was... please take your hand away! So I gave my telephone number in a hurry and rushed to leave as Hala and I were leaving for Marbella the following day.
On our return, about two weeks later, we were out again and I decided to give Steve a call. He answered and asked us to join him at that same bar. This time he definitely flirted with me and we kind of arranged to meet again. My friend Sophie, who had heard of our escapade that evening from Louisa had a warning for me. She said: "Darling, I know you have met Steve and I'm sure he's nice, but I heard he has a production company and also makes porn movies! Be careful."
I turned around with excitement at the thought of meeting... well... what can I say?
A sort of porn movie producer started laughing and saying: "Only me! Brilliant darling. Brilliant."
I really have to go get some sleep now. The time is 3:15 am. This is mad, just like the life I have been leading...
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